My Loud Fish

I set LLC down on the changing mat and the storm blew in. One quavering, downturned lip and whimper later I had a full on down pour on my hands.

What is it LLC? Mommy just needs to change your nappy. What happened? I try my best soothing tone. We’re going to go swimming. It’s like a big bath. Mommy just needs to fasten your special swim nappy on. Come on little one, not so loud. Screaming isn’t respectful to all the other ladies in the changing room.

I’m at the gym taking LLC swimming for the first time and this is not an auspicious beginning.

I scoop her into my arms and we head for the swimming arena. Then, like British rain showers, this storm blows over as suddenly as it arrived. Poolside she’s agog and smiling, the dark pools of her eyes intent on the aqua pool before us. Relief floods through me; I start to relax.

We enter the pool and she loves it. I float her on her back, move her through the water on her front, splash her face and lift and dunk her (without submerging her head – I wasn’t ready for that). She’s as happy as a pig rolling in mud and I’m relieved, smiling, proud of my small fish.

Some things I'll remember for next time:

• Only put the swim nappy on just before entering the pool - I waited to do this and it was a good call as she did a massive poo between leaving our house and arriving at the gym
• Make sure you are ready to head into the pool before you suit up your baby - I wore my bathing suit to the gym but didn't undress before suiting her up; this left her undressed and cold while I madly rushed to strip off 
• Bring baby to pool changing room in a carrier but remember an extra towel to lay baby on while you are dressing 
• Check the timetable and swim while there are no classes - we had the pool to ourselves and that made the experience all the calmer and all the better

Maybe these all sound pretty basic but I'd never considered them before.  Ahhh, the learning curve is constant. Do you have any tips for swimming with a baby - or avoiding changing room fits?

Some Leather-Bound Book Moments

Unlike Will Ferrell in The Anchorman, I don’t have many leather-bound books but I do have one, compliments of my sister, and it’s where I jot down noted I want to remember on LLC. My hand has been busy the last few days, as she’s had a lot of firsts: first wedding (she attended - we haven’t married her off just yet); first roll (from front to back); first dabble with baby massage (tear-free, until I put her clothes back on).

Saturday we attended L&J’s wedding in Oxford and LLC was one of several babies on the scene. I had grand plans of feeding her in the car before we went into the Church but in usual fashion, we were running late and I had to resort to a five minute power feed before sweeping LLC into the Church. Her little wide eyes drank in the scene, she remained silent and offered no objections at the critical moment and although I had to duck out into an alcove to give her a milk top-up mid-ceremony, she did extremely well.

Then she partied with the best of us and got lots of attention in the process. L&J organized a beautiful celebration and it was lovely to enjoy it as a family. As a bonus, LLC slept through most of dinner so we could eat and then afforded me a nice glass of red following her last feed when she fell asleep for the night CW’s arms. Thank you CW for all the cuddles!

L&J also went to great lengths to make their day family-friendly. They organized a parking permit for us near the reception, placed families with kids near the end of tables where there was space for prams and even bought a little entertaining present for all the kids. There was even a room available for breastfeeding and baby changing. I appreciate things like this so much more now and would definitely tap L’s brain if planning a big event including families.

Yesterday we had a chilled out, post-wedding day, event free, until LLC decided to roll over. I’m so glad I didn’t miss it as I was chatting to Chris (me talking? Surprise, surprise….) and putting away baby onesies at the time. I happened to turn around at the very moment that LLC, on her front and in the middle of our bed, planted her until-now often limp and spaghetti-like arms firmly on the bed, locked them and flipped over onto her back. We cheered and put her back on her front and she did it again. We were so proud! Today she did it three more times so it appears we have a roller on our hands. I guess that means I need to be much more careful with her on that bed.

Today we went to our first day of baby massage with the other mums and babies in my NCT group. I hope to learn some relaxing moves we can practice on LLC. I’m always so quick to get her dressed and probably don’t give her have enough naked time (the one time I left her on her play-mat diaper-free she managed to wriggle off the towel I put under her and pee all over the mat!) so massage will encourage that as well. The session felt refreshingly relaxing for me too – it made me slow down and just focus on the exercises with LLC. I think I’m going to enjoy it and importantly, LLC did too. She laughed, smiled and babbled throughout the session and only went into meltdown at the end of class when I put her clothes back on. But then she fell asleep.

What will tomorrow bring?

My Pumpkin in Winter Wonderland

A message for our little lady who is still safe and sound within me:

My mom sometimes calls me Pumpkin
Now I have one of my own - you
Defining my contour
In the essence of my heart
At the forefront of my mind


I'm ready to meet you
At least as ready as I'll ever be
I'm rushing like a river with anticipation
Then settling like the snowflakes with disbelief
I'm in my own Winter Wonderland


Where my hands often tingle
Not from the cold
Where patience is a virtue
And suspense is grudgingly a friend
The best relationships often take time to take shape


So Chris and I went walking
Treated ourselves to some cake
Took care to stay steady
Amidst the emotional, icy plain
Of our Winter Wonderland

Due Date Tomorrow but No News Yet....

I just finished my second cup of raspberry leaf tea for the day. I read about its uterine stimulating qualities in one of my pregnancy updates and kept meaning to buy some. I didn’t get around to it until earlier this week, so hopefully I’m not too late to reap its supposed rewards!

I know that less than 4% or so of babies are born on their due date. Still, I can’t help the emotional and mental attachment I’ve developed about tomorrow....it has been my lighthouse on the horizon, the destination circled in red on my pregnancy map, the day that I’m expecting to meet my baby.

I’ve been known to say “never expect anything.” Now is about the time I take my own advice. I feel like a ticking bomb that could go off any moment. Hopefully this tea will help! Friends also have suggested a mix natural labor inducing activities like cuddling, hot curry, sex, walking, climbing stairs, castor oil and, ahem, ingesting semen... Suffice to say, some of these suggestions are more appealing than others! Anyone else have any others to share?

It also doesn’t help that the recent cold front has turned my road to a solid sheet of ice and left me housebound. You know I like to get out and about in some respect daily and this weather is totally cramping my style....not bringing on period-like labor cramps....grrrr. But I’m not stir crazy or anything....just a picture of calm. I’m certain the oxytocin must be flowing. I told Chris this weather will most likely secure our home birth but that he may be doing the delivery if the midwives can’t get here in time. But maybe I shouldn’t joke about such things...

Meanwhile, Chris and I are not the only ones in suspense. Calls, texts and emails are rolling in daily from family and friends wishing me well and asking about progress. Thank you everyone – I wish I had exciting news to share but as of now, I don’t. I will keep you posted, I promise.

So home alone, I chat to the little lady and encourage her to make herself known. I’ve let her know she may be real cozy in there, but that she’ll still be close to me once she comes out. In fact, LH shared this Times 2 article with me on the benefits of baby slings, which we both have and are excited about trying out. Interestingly, the article also discusses the popularity of sling movement in the USA alongside its growing popularity here in the UK. Provided Chris and I can get ours strapped on properly, I’m hoping our Sleepy Wrap (pictured) may prove soothing to our little lady. So far she’s not buying this argument but I’ll keep on trying and maybe she'll come out to play.

Butter Fingers

I have a tendency toward clumsiness at the best of times. I’ll never forget the time I floored it in front of the busy student union at college. I was wearing sneakers and essentially tripped over my own feet. Then there was the time that I dropped a glass, on a knife on the dinner table, which then shattered and cut me landing me in the emergency room for stitches. I have a poorly stitched up scar to this day as a badge of my troubled dexterity.

So every time my pregnancy updates warn that my shifting center of gravity and looser joints would only exacerbate this less desirable trait, Chris shakes his head and warns me to be careful and I silently curse under my breath. I don’t need anything else working against me in the clumsy department.

So far I’ve avoided any crash and burn spills and I am trying to “slow down” and take care in protection of my bump. But today I just had a really clumsy day. I dropped Rico’s food bowl on the floor and sent his food a flying. Then I dropped my hair brush on the dirty gym floor and had to stoop and rummage under the counter for it (more easily said than done these days). Later I banged my head on the kitchen counter on my way up from the washing machine and soon after dropped a whole role of aluminum foil, which unraveled across the kitchen floor.

By that point I was pretty frustrated, probably cursed out loud and decided I needed some time out with Rico and bump. As I sat at the kitchen table grumbling the little lady started belting me with her foot as if to say, “buck up mama, chin up, easy does it!” Yes, that’s exactly what she was saying…..in my world where babies in the womb dish out adult advice. Either that or she could feel me getting riled and wanted to fight back!

So I'm ready for bed tonight. I’m tired and looking forward to A Christmas Carol, which Chris is in the process of reading to bump. We thought we’d try to get her in the holiday spirit a la Dickens – with his wordiness and my jabbering she’ll probably come out of the womb talking!

Ahhh, My Voice....

Whenever I get aches and pains now, I've taken to doing my "in for four, out for four" yoga breathing, reminding myself that whatever the issue it can't be worse than labor!  Since I'm preparing myself to be a "natural birthing warrior," I realize I need to be tough and have a sturdy pain threshold.

Saying that, this cold is really getting to me!  After I posted Sunday I did come down with a light fever, which fortunately passed, but I've been battling a bad cold and sore throat since Sunday morning and it's not fun.  I've been house bound in an effort to stay rested and get the better of these germs but it's frustrating all the same.  I think the main thing driving me nuts is my throat - it hurts every time I swallow and makes sleeping a challenge.  Unlike contractions where each brings me one step closer to my baby, this raw feeling each time I swallow doesn't seem to be bringing me closer to anything but a scratchier, hoarser voice - ahhh how hard it is for me not to be able to talk freely!

That's my rant of the night - I'm hoping if I keep powering through I can kick this thing soon.  For the time being, I've been jacked up on natural remedies like gargling warm salt water, drinking hot water with apple cider vinegar and honey, eating chicken soup and sitting/sleeping with a warm microwavable compress on my neck (which actually really helps soothe an aching throat).  I'm never one to pop pills and take a lot of medicines but I'm used to my body bouncing back a little quicker than it's doing this time.  Maybe I take that for granted.  I've looked up the symptoms of strep throat and I don't think I've got that, but if this doesn't shift in the next 24 hours I may need to go to the doctor.

Aside from laying on the couch or in front of the computer, I've had visits from Aunt G and Uncle S, my sis and the vibrant NLD who have kept me smiling.  Mom also bought us a "Dreamland Lullabies and Soothing Songs" cd which I've been playing for baby.  The songs are in a range of languages so I don't have a clue what they mean but they are calming and calming is good!  I do think she likes them also - I can feel her kicking away, safe in her uterine home and that is inspiration to keep my chin up!  I really need to be back to scratch for K&S's wedding on Saturday but the sooner I kick this, the better.  Please let me know if anyone has any other cold-kicking remedies to try!

Goodbye "Gaga Googoo" - Hello 'Real' Baby Talk

I love to talk and always have.  I'll never forget one of my old school friends explaining to me that "when you ask Tanya how her day is, you don't get a simple good or bad but instead a blow by blow account of her recent activity/feelings in response to it/etc."  Yes, I can be long winded and sometimes dish out TMI (too much information) - many of you no doubt have first hand experience with that. Overall though, I'm happy I have the gift of the gab.  I'm comfortable expressing myself, I'm interested in language and its infinite possibilities and I love interesting conversation (yes, the listening bit too).

Talking was a defining characteristic of mine from an early age - thanks mom and dad.  As an infant they used to talk to me - not just in the "nanny poo poo baby bubba boo" way but in the "look at that red bird in tall tree" kind of way - and I listened.  I listened so well, that I started talking early and used to repeat everything my mom said.  I think it drove her a little crazy.  Then one day when I was two or three we were conversing in the changing room of a department store when a fellow shopper stopped my mom and asked her my age.  She then said she was a teacher and had never heard a child of my age with such an extensive vocabulary.

I'm not sharing this to blow smoke up my ass but to paint a picture - my parents communicated with me about the world around me and it rubbed off to good effect.  As this New York Times article, shared by new mama E, points out, this is engaging, constructive communication between mothers and baby is becoming too rare an occurrence in our 'rush rush' society of digital distraction.

I plan on talking to my baby, surprise surprise; I already do.  I want her to get used to the sound of my voice and once she's out of my belly, I want to teach her in the same way my parents taught me.  Sometimes I feel silly talking to "myself," particularly with baby in utero, but this article reminds me that I'm doing more good than the harm I get from any skeptical looks thrown my way.

Yes, I'm the 26 week pregnant lady talking to my baby in the 6th floor bathroom stall and I'm proud as punch!

Carrots & Cameleons

Friday I reached my 21 week mark - our little girl is the length of a carrot - about 10.5 inches long. She's regularly moving around and on Thursday night, for the first time, Chris felt her kick/elbow me/pull on the cord/etc when he rested his hand on my stomach!

She should definitely be hearing us now; incentive to stay calm, cool and collected at all times....hmmmm...if only. I have started talking to her now and then like when I'm driving or cooking; I love my talking, so it's comforting to know that she can hear me. Hey, I may look a little nuts but maybe she'll come out with an innate propensity for language. I'm also going to start reading to her before bed. Similar to the soothing music theory, "experts" suggest that if she hears the same story repeatedly in the womb, she'll be comforted by it once born so I figure it's worth a shot. Crying baby? - cue special story that yields happy, quiet baby - I don't sound too far off the mark anymore now, huh?! I haven't chosen a story yet, but maybe something short and sweet like 'Goodnight Moon' by Margaret Wise Brown.

In the last few days we also commenced our baby buying/borrowing/auction winning! I spent about half an hour wandering aisles of baby clothes on Friday with an enthusiasm I usually reserve for the candy store. I managed to tear myself away having bought one, her first, baby grow. We also picked up a brand new crib to bed converter with a built in changing table from our friends M&H. Thanks guys! It's the same crib they have for their daughter, and the company they purchased it from delivered two but never returned to pick this one up, much to our luck! Then, finally, after eagle eye watching and new bidding in the wake of my Bugaboo bid tantrum, we bid and successfully won ourselves a Bugaboo Cameleon at half its normal retail price. I hope this stroller lives up to my expectations but only time will tell.

Many people have suggested we gradually ease into our baby buying now, so it feels good to get the ball rolling. Though I set my sites high with the Bugaboo, in general I'm hoping weather the wild baby buying sea by visiting second hand furniture stores, seeking out more online deals and making a list of what we need versus what we'd like to have. Lists and focus are good. While I'm sure there are inevitably lots of new things we'll want to buy too, hopefully this varied approach will keep us practically and financially in balance.

Market Meanderings

THE MARKET

Alfalfa sprouts, vintage shoes & designer bibs shaped like an apple
Lingering embraces and laughs shared under a straw hat
Pick a pew, a restaurant chair, a slab of concrete
And relax
Secret kicks, latent fears, global delicacies & ice cold beers
Meet me at the market

Cool young things in leggings & frills
Cockney hagglers on the cheap
Caribbean colors speak depths from head turbans
While dark glasses shade the sun and court mystery

Whether directly in the social mix or stand alone
We're rich in stories that are our own
Thrust into a common space
Creating the magic of the market

Bump and I took a trip to London's markets today - Petticoat Lane, Spitalfields and the Sunday Up Market behind the old Truman Brewery on Brick Lane. As I wandered out of the eerie weekend quiet of the City and into some of London's most diverse and vibrant markets, I felt content, engaged and full of vitality. With bump as a silent companion, I had ample time for browsing and observation. That's when it struck me that being pregnant is like a visit to the market. Stay with me on that line of thought....

Markets are common yet full of the unique; varied; exciting but stressful at times; full of show but bursting with less obvious substance; breeding grounds for life - just like pregnancies. The analogy sat well with me and inspired my poem above.

I'm now 19 weeks and my baby is the size of a large heirloom tomato (whatever an heirloom tomato is) or a mango, get this, covered in greasy cheese. Thank you Heidi Murkoff for that latter tasty image! This greasy cheese is vernix, a waxy coating that protects the baby's young skin from it's 24/7 amniotic fluid bath.

This last week I've started to feel definite movement that I know is not my imagination. Like the bubbling of a pot of water about to boil or those famous butterfly wings, baby's acrobatics are now like secret messages to me. Everyone says quickening is a thrill and ya know what, when you realize for sure that it IS your baby moving inside you, it is a thrill!

I've also learned that baby's sensory development is now on full throttle - our little one is starting to hear Chris and my voices along with other outside the womb noises. Within the next couple of weeks, when he or she swallows my amniotic fluid it will taste like what I've been eating - be that lasagna, ice cream, salad or a chicken quesadilla. Experts suggest that a healthy pregnancy diet will thus impact baby's future tastes and eating habits - hopefully our baby is enjoying a rich mix since I eat pretty much everything, though I do have a penchant for sweet treats!

As you can see my bump is now starting to really take shape. At some point near the end of last week I discovered that some of my work trousers no longer button up - what a difference a week makes! It looks like I'm going to have to bust out my belly bands in the near future - I haven't tried to integrate them into any outfits yet so I need to sort that out - woohoo! Bring it on!

Fluttery Sunday

Yesterday was one of those idyllic Sunday afternoons that I didn't want to end. Chris and I met our friends L&J at L's parent's house outside London. We sat outside on their back patio basking in sunshine/umbrella induced shade, played bocce ball on the soft, green, warm underfoot lawn and enjoyed a yummy picnic lunch. The conversation, as always with G&T (L's mom and dad), was interesting, amusing, excellent. I felt very relaxed, a welcome contrast to our usual hustle bustle.

The conversation turned to quickening at some point, and T asked if I'd felt the baby move. Just as I'd heard, T described her first experience with baby movement as the "fluttering of butterfly wings." Subtle but solid baby kicks, flips and twirls.

I said I wasn't sure if I'd felt anything. Over the last week I have experienced a slight pattering or tweaking sensation, but I don't know if this is my baby, my stomach or my over active imagination since I don't really know what I'm looking for. I don't feel like a butterfly is loose in my belly - more like the odd little "sensation" from time to time.

I've stopped trying to coax my little one into movement in the bathroom stalls at work, but last night thought I'd try a new approach. I've heard babies are sensitive to light, so as we went to bed I shined my cell phone light at my stomach and waited for a response. Does anyone else try weird things like this? Again, I don't know. But I did feel like I felt the faintest little pitter patter when I did it. I'm just waiting for a big ol' kick so I know that it's the real thing and not just me wishing it.

Good Vibrations

Supposedly there "may" be advantages to playing music to your baby in the womb. I don't think there are any definitive findings on this theory, but I guess the idea is to use music as a vehicle to engage and comfort your baby in utero, which will then be familiar or soothing once he/she is born.

I'm now at 18 weeks; our baby is the size of a bell pepper and can apparently hear my heart beating and my digestive system processing - after the amount of curry I ate last night the little one must have had quite the show! I think it's still a couple of weeks until baby can hear noises from outside the womb, so I have some time before I can start putting the music theory to the test.

Having said that, earlier this week I went to karaoke with Chris and some friends from his work. They are karaoke king and go often enough to hold a gold card that entitled us to 5 hours of free singing! Yes 5 hours. I am no seasoned karaoke girl and I'm a terrible singer, but the night was a lot of fun. The music was so loud though, that baby must have got some kind of show, if not from the audio at least from the vibrations. Chris did a particularly stirring rendition of Guns and Roses' 'Civil War' that must have radiated beyond our singing room and throughout the surrounding area! Maybe not particularly soothing, but stimulating I'm sure! Looking forward, I think we better introduce a balanced mix of music or we may have a hyper one on our hands.

Apple the Acrobat

I’m 15 weeks pregnant today and according to Babycenter.com, my baby is the size of an apple. Yum, I do like apples.

I’m excited to be approaching the 16-20 week mark when women often feel slight movement from the baby otherwise known as ‘quickening.’ Pretty cool. Supposedly you often feel this earlier in subsequent pregnancies as you are more in tune with what to look out for. The experts describe it as “butterfly wings” or “trapped gas.” I prefer the butterfly image. Bottom line, if I feel what I think is my stomach rumbling, it might really be my little apple doing some back flips – my own little acrobat.

Even though I’m now anticipating this sensation, I have a feeling expecting it will do me no good so I just have to wait for it to happen….I am just 15 weeks today after all. This decided, I temporarily moved on, but later found myself standing in my office bathroom stall, poking at my stomach and murmuring a few coaxing words to my belly. Then I snapped out of my reverie and checked to make sure I didn’t have an audience, which fortunately, I didn’t. That was a close call. I don’t want anyone thinking I’m cuckoo, because really, I’m not…..

Poke, poke....Anyone in there?

I snuck through my first trimester without morning sickness, my worst symptoms being increased tiredness and a sudden aversion to salmon and asparagus. I'm not complaining or pining for nausea, however without some of the stereotypical tell-tale signs of pregnancy, sometimes I wondered if there really was a little one in there. Girls that were holding their head over a toilet bowl 4 times/day may want to scoff at me, but it's how I felt.  With no bump and nothing but tender and slightly enlarged breasts to show for my new status, at first I found it hard to connect with our baby.

I've since read that by now our little lemon (according to Babycenter.com that is the size of our baby this week) can feel it if I poke my belly, so I've been poking away and encouraging Chris to do the same. He doesn't like to poke too hard, but I take a more firm approach. I want to let the lemon know that mom and dad are saying hello. So we're now starting to connect.

I'm also just starting to show. I'd say around 13 weeks my waist began to "thicken," with no blatantly visible bump in regular clothes but with a new fullness that is more visible in tighter outfits. There hasn't been any great change in the last week, however today I got my first "I thought you could be pregnant comment." Lucky that I am.

I was waiting to ask my pilates teacher a question after class and decided to share my news with another woman who was about to hear my pregnancy related question. She smiled at me and said something like: "I thought you might be pregnant. You are usually so small with a flat waist, but today I thought you looked either pregnant or like you'd had a big meal." Whew that I actually am pregnant, or else clearly all the pizza, bagels, dinners out and home cooked food a la mama had taken their toll on my body! At least she waited for me to share the news at the risk of deflating my perceived body image.

Maybe one of these days one of the kind folk on the train will take similar notice and offer me a seat on the way into work? I do love standing in sweaty manpits but think I could make the sacrifice without too many tears. I think I may still have a little way to go there though. And I suspect I may have to not be so British about it and just ask for a seat if I need it. Hey, I've been standing for years and will stand in future - my time in a guaranteed seat is surely dawning!