Welcome to the Jungle

These days my house sometimes looks like a jungle, or at least like a tornado just blew through. But that is another, more boring story that I’m trying to re-write.

This week my dear sister, Aunt M, is visiting from New York. She has been giving LLC copious love and attention, as well as a Fisher-Price Rainforest Play Mat. LLC loves it! She spent an hour yesterday laying on it, cooing at the butterflies overhead and swiping/kicking at her new jungle friends Parrot and Monkey.  Aunt M likens LLC to a little monkey with her sharp, wide eyes and incessant kicking legs - what better a "habitat" to entertain her in?!  This evening she managed to propel herself across the entire mat, mainly by back leg thrusts and minimal arm support.  Seriously, have Chris and I created a kick-boxer?

We've been enjoying a chilled out week of girl time with Aunt M.  It's very nice to spend time with my sister and for her to get to know her niece. 

When my parents, sister or friends visit, I sometimes hesitantly venture into the jungle of emotion that comes with the fresh reminder of how much I love these people and how I wish we lived physically closer to each other.  I don't like to venture into this abyss since I would not trade my life here and I'm not one to court sadness.  But still, inevitably, at times into this jungle I creep.

I usually catch myself before I go too far, for life is to be lived and enjoyed even with its challenges.  I'm enjoying the time LLC and I have with Aunt M and when I join my little one under her rainforest canopy to gaze at the butterflies and tropical creatures, I can also think of my sister and smile.

Big Boots to Fill

I got my first Mother’s Day card on Sunday from LLC. Because I’m now a mom, I really am. 

You might be thinking, duh – that has been what you prepared for through ten months of pregnancy. That has been the bread and butter of this blog. And LLC was born nearly seven weeks ago!

I know. But I still have these occasional lightning bolt moments when I emerge from the hectic sea of my day, draw in air and see my amazing opportunity and responsibility as a mother come clearly into focus.

At three or four years, I remember telling my mom that she could give me a bath forever. At the time she begged to differ but I had none of it. I loved my mom. She brought fun, love and learning to my childhood. We created a scrapbook of leaves; we brought all of my stuffed animals into the living room for a day of play before the fireplace; we read Island of the Blue Dolphins and Anne of Green Gables together; she made us snacks of Doritos with cheese….

My mom has put up with me, in my full glory, for my whole life. An ocean now stands between us but our relationship does not waver. Yes, we argue – back then about things like my refusal to go to bed at night; now about the advice that she offers me that I don’t always want - but my love for her remains a constant and this bond grew from my early days.

I hope to sew similar seeds with LLC so she feels this same love for me. Yet this is when I become too much the thinker. For I expect a child’s heart cannot be strategized over but instead won through living and loving. So out comes Chris’ old adage of “move and use,” aka just get on with what you’ve got and the rest will follow. He’s wise, that husband of mine.

Rhyme Time Meets Tears of a Clown

Head, shoulders, knees and toes, knees and toes. Head, shoulders, knees and toes, knees and toes. And eyes and ears and mouth and nose…..

This morning two of my NCT friends and I delved into the world of Baby Rhyme Time at our town library. Our tots are all about 6 weeks old and so we decided to freshen up on actual nursery rhymes rather than the “day in the life of” ditties we’ve been resorting to. Think “You have a dirty nappy, now that won’t make you happy!” and “Let’s change your shirt, don’t cry, it will not hurt!” Alongside Old McDonald on repeat. If LLC knew better, she’d be craving rhyme time, right?

Wrong.

Awake and alert, she lasted through Hello, Hello (or some kind of welcome song), Head, Shoulders etc, Row Row Row Your Boat and Roly Poly before she came out with her own shrill version of Tears of a Clown. After that the subsequent rhymes and cacophony of rattling instruments from 60 other mummies and babies became a bit of a blur as LLC frantically buried her face in my chest and clawed at my hair, ripping out a nice chunk. Maybe it was over-stimulation? Maybe I lifted her too high in one of the rhymes I can’t remember the name of? Maybe she just really prefers mommy’s rhymes about taking out the trash and poo.

My friends’ babies slept for most of the event and when one of them did wake up, he didn’t look overly impressed by the proceedings either. But we’ll try again; they are only 6 weeks after all.

When did you first take your children to baby classes and which ones did you enjoy the most? There are so many to choose from.

Back at home, it continued to be a day of firsts when LLC grabbed onto her Whoozit baby toy for the first time ever. She was so excited. Chris and I were too. Sadly this milestone also ended in tears.  Whoever knew there could be so many seasons in a day?

Night Owl

My hungry eyes devour the rich mix of words, numbers, vlogs, and pictures on my screen. My brain races to catch up and process the myriad of passion, life and reality bursting from the blogosphere, my email, the news. My hands dance between my keyboard and a pile of tiny onesies to my right that need folding. I’m on the phone with my mom.

I am the antithesis of the dark, still night. Though my eyes are weary and hands dry, my brain has a mind of its own that shuns idleness and propels me into the early hours of the morning.

LLC occupies me by day and I love our days together of singing, reading Chicka Chicka abc, cuddling, meeting up with other mummies & babies….yet I have so much more on my agenda that doesn’t get touched until the stars are shining, I’m yawning and my body should be at rest replenishing energy levels. I probably need to slow down; go to bed earlier; find time to incorporate some of my late night activity into times when the sun is shining, even if just for half an hour.

I feel pressured to keep up with myself - new mom, busy body & mind, inquisitive spirit.

This late night post was inspired by Josie at Sleep is for the Weak's weekly writing workshop, prompt #5,What is making you feel under pressure right now?

Tricks of the Trade

LLC is now 5.5 weeks old.  Every day brings new learning and surprises but overall, the days are starting to feel a little easier.  Chris and I have explored a number of tried and tested but new to us "baby taming tactics" and they have worked wonders; proof that it's the little things that can make a big difference! 

•  White Noise = Sleepy Time: I heard white noise calms babies and seriously, it does!  When LLC is overtired but won't settle our kitchen extractor fan is one of the few lullabies that will bring on shuteye within a matter of minutes
• Stroller Walks = Mega Sleepy Time: The kitchen extractor fan will only calm LLC for so long; a walk around my neighborhood guarantees her fresh air and a long nap and me some exercise and the chance to explore the local roads I never knew existed. You notice so much more on foot.
• Back Pat Heartbeat, Bouncing, Winter Suit & Jazz Hands = Goodbye Grizzles (hopefully):  When all the fuss of the fair comes to town, I pull one of these out of the bag in hopes of settling LLC.  Mimicking a "beat beat" heart beat on her back while lightly bouncing her often works a treat.  The midwives may not approve of zipping LLC into her winter outdoor suit indoors, but it instantly calms her and puts a stop to flailing arms and legs.  Jazz hands are our latest discovery thanks to J&L - something about shaking hands seems to quickly fascinate/distract/calm LLC
• LLC Bedtime at 7:30pm = Much Needed Adult Time: After about 4 weeks we started putting LLC to bed earlier and it's been working well.  She's tired and settles down to sleep and Chris and I get some alone time to relax and unwind
• Night Feeds Laying Down = Better Rest for Me: Totally worth it if you can find a position that works for you and your baby - she gets to eat without getting too stimulated and I get to half sleep - almost as good as actual sleep.  I'll take what I can get!

I know different strokes work for different folks, but if you have any other baby taming gems to share please do!

Thank You Friends

Each day is full of discovery in my adventures with LLC
From what brings on a quivering lower lip to what makes her happy
And as I stumble and soar through early days as a mama
I’ve made some new friends who help me through the drama

Thank you Putumayo Dreamland lullabies
Your soothing tracks work wonders when LLC cries
We started our relationship while she was in the womb
And cemented your ability to cut through grumpy gloom

Thank you swaddle blanket from mom in the USA
Your Velcro tight wrap can’t be easily kicked away
You keep LLC warm and cozy and easily entail
That her sleep is not disrupted by a random arm flail

Thank you Angelcare Nappy bin for keeping smelly diapers at bay
Space efficient and odor free you came and saved the day
From diaper overflow in our garbage pail
Your ease and convenience have been without fail

Thank you Bugaboo, goddess of smooth suspension
Your motion magically abates all LLC tension
Our walks together are in peace, style and grace
I’m so glad we caught you in the ebay race

Thank you Margaret Wise Brown for making bedtime a treat
Your stories keep us company while LLC has her final bit to eat
I know by heart Goodnight Moon and The Runaway Bunny
And love your choice of imagery, though it is a bit funny

Thank you friends
You are godsends

For another bout of creativity, check out A Mid-Atlantic English’s February End of Month Collection Cloud of inspiring sentences found in the blogosphere. I intended to build my own word cloud this month but it didn’t happen; Michelloui’s fab finds are inspiration to have another go at it next month!

Routine Schmootine

It’s Friday night, Chris is out at karaoke, LLC has been sleeping since 8:45pm and I’m psyched to have some quiet time on the computer! It’s a crazy life that I lead. I love it.

Now that LLC is four weeks old Chris and I decided that we’d try to put her down to bed around 8pm as opposed to 10:30/11pm as we’d been doing. She may still wake up for a 10:30/11pm dream feed but our hope is that we’ll get to eat dinner together rather than in shifts or with an overtired baby on our knee. Could this help prevent LLC getting zonked and entering her witching hour while giving Chris and me some precious alone time?! – it was as though some kind soul switched on a light bulb in my baby addled brain.

Yet I don’t know if this plan will work. You know I like my lists. I also like my plans. But I’m learning that routines and plans don’t often fly, or at least fly for too long, with a newborn. I hope I don’t jinx us by saying it, but LLC has been pretty good at sleeping during the night. Sure, we’ve had our 2am screaming incidents or nights where she wakes up and then won’t settle. But more often than not, I read her a bedtime story while giving her a feed and can then place her, dozy but awake in her basinet, and she will put herself to sleep. This worked between 10-11pm but will it work earlier in the evening?

Our first several weeks were ad hoc with little semblance of order. Often a pattern I see emerging with LLC will shift after several days. I’ve been told by friends with experience that this is the name of the game with young babies. They remind me that routines emerge gradually and that I can’t force structure too soon. My fellow new mama NCT friends and I are now experiencing this reality. Still, it would be nice to find middle ground where I can encourage some semblance of order to LLC and my days without jumping on the Gina Ford bandwagon. Yet I’ve found even lighter touch Baby Whisperer Tracy Hogg’s less intense EASY (eat, activity, sleep, you) structure doesn’t always work – if LLC falls asleep following a feed I’m hard pressed to wake her for the activity phase of this "cycle".

Expert routines are all healthy food for thought, particularly when all this is new to me. Yet I can’t help thinking that I need to focus more on LLC’s needs, what I plan for us in a day, and how these can be reconciled.  Then maybe gradually, some loose routine will take shape...

Breaking the Silence

If I can get in the shower before 10am, it’s a really good day. If I manage some lunch before 3pm, it’s a feat. When LLC goes down for a nap that lasts a few hours, it is bliss.

Many people advised me to “sleep when the baby sleeps,” but unless it’s at night, I have trouble with this. I don’t want to run myself into the ground but LLC’s daytime naps seem like the only time I can really get other things accomplished. As it is, these “other things” now include sterilizing my breast pump and expressing milk, baby laundry and collapsing the stroller I left in the middle of my kitchen because I didn’t have a chance to do it following our walk.

Chris returned to work just over a week ago so I’ve now had some days flying solo with LLC and it’s full on. It’s still early days and no real pattern has been established – as soon as I think we have one it shifts and my week resembles more of a grab bag – I never know what I’m going to get. Sometimes LLC will amuse herself by staring at the balloon tied to her rocker and then drift off to sleep; other days she won’t settle unless she’s cuddling on my lap. On the bright side, these cuddle marathons redefine my understanding of love; on the frustrating side, they also mean I forfeit most other activity bar the bane of daytime TV.

Then last week M&J arrived from NY to meet LLC and spend some quality time with Chris and me. M and I grew up together and she knows me well; she and J made themselves at home and helped us with LLC. It was a perfect visit not about entertaining but catching up and introducing LLC to good friends. Their extra support gave Chris and me a boost and we accomplished a number of firsts including LLC’s first trip into central London and my first jaunts with breastfeeding in public, which went surprisingly well.

Back on my own this coming week, I’m more mobile and a bit more confident. I’m also committed to getting back to blogging after a near hiatus. Since each day is a new adventure I have plenty to write about and just need to make the time. But I will – watch this space!

Finding our Feet

I guess I’m one of those “need to be there, doing it” people to truly understand the massive wave of love, confusion, tiredness and emotion that is early day parenting. It’s all consuming. The learning curve is steep. There are not enough hours in the day. It is amazing yet exhausting, exhilarating and sometimes frustrating.

After an initial week and a half of cooing with cries reserved for the changing table, LLC “found her voice.” I should have known she’d have a strong one from the start if I’m any model to go by! Last Sunday night this new voice manifested itself in a wave of crying that would not abate. Maybe she missed her grandma and grandpa, who had returned to the USA the previous day. I think she was also beyond overtired and protesting sleep. Her tears brought on my own. We had been coping so well. For the first time in my life as a parent, I felt well and truly out of my depth because I just didn’t know how to help her.

Maybe this was a well needed reality check. On the whole she is such a sweet tempered baby, but all babies cry, it’s their voice. I need to learn how to understand her personality, cues, patterns and listening to her voice is perhaps the first step towards this.  We haven't had another incident like we did Sunday, but she has been more vocal and I'm trying my best to read her and give her what she needs be it food, rest, comfort....

It's hard work but well worth it and I'm very in love.  When she wraps her little fingers around mine and sqeezes my heart skips a beat.