Woe is Weaning

Woe is weaning
Not really
Fascinating new textures
Juicy new tastes
The joys of food
Discovered

Goodbye breastfeeding
Take an emotional bow
You didn’t create our bond
But you were part of the package
Parting ways is harder than I thought
But we’re ready

Woe is weaning
Not true
Embrace your dependence
Drink your milk
From a cup!
Grow

I said I’d breastfeed for 6 months. Then I said I’d carry on. Now I’ve breastfed for a year and as Chris’ gran so tactfully puts it, “the milk bar,” is now closed. I was told the whole stopping feeding thing could get quite emotional but I didn’t really believe it would affect me in that way.  But it kind of has. 

I could see LLC was ready to be weaned (holding her mouth open over my breast as if it was a free flow cup was a hint!) and I felt ready to stop. Still, what I underestimated was my feeling of loss for the lovely mommy and LLC cuddle time that came with breastfeeding in the morning and before bed. The chance of LLC cuddling up to me at these times is now slim to none. She's just too on the go. Of course we have cuddle time and closeness in many other ways, but I did enjoy giving her something natural and good while having a snuggle.  It's a little sad to say goodbye to that.

Still, we’re both ready, so we move on.  Just not without a little wistful moment.

Library staff tells breastfeeding mother to “face the wall”

Unlike my last post, this one does have to do with breasts.

Friday’s papers reported the plight of a woman breastfeeding her nine-week old daughter in a Haringey library who was told to “face the wall” by a male member of staff. When she told him it was against the law to ask her not to breastfeed, he suggested that she be more discreet next time.

Ahhh the cheek, naiveté and rudeness of this man! As a breastfeeding mom I am well schooled in trying to feed tactfully in public. I’ve learned that this comes with different challenges depending on your child’s age; young babies may take time to latch on, at 8 months LLC wants to frequently pop off and look around. It’s not always simple but I do my best to do the deed while protecting my dignity. I’m certain this mother was only doing the same and did nothing inappropriate to warrant such remarks.

Importantly, this story highlights how such a seemingly flippant remark has the potential to seriously put a woman off breastfeeding in public. And when you feel like you can’t feed in public, you’re probably only a step away from quitting breastfeeding entirely because no one wants to sit in the house all day and babies, particularly young ones, feed a lot.

Breastfeeding is a very personal choice but those that do try to get on with it shouldn’t be made to feel guilty for doing so. And particularly from a public sector worker! I think I hear disciplinary action calling…..

Fed Up!

I’m so fed up with the health visitor. She really pushed my buttons today. Maybe I’m a glutton for punishment for continuing to take LLC for weigh-ins in the first place....

LLC is now 12lb 6oz and falls between the 2 and 0.4 percentile lines on the UK weight charts. I’m still breastfeeding her but introduced one formula bottle/day a month ago.

(You may remember my dilemma in May about whether to combination feed LLC due to her slow weight gain. At the time I introduced one bottle for a week but then decided I was going to stick with exclusive breastfeeding. Fast forward to another weigh in at just over 5 months when the health visitor strongly advised me to introduce some formula as “LLC has always struggled with her weight.” I struggle with your detached and condescending manner and choice of words lady. But anyway, I reintroduced the one formula feed and all has been well)

Today I received a speech including gems like:

• “If I was you I’d really be giving her more formula feeds”
• “Her body may be fending off a urinary track infection, for which there are no signs, but it could be using up all her extra calories”
• “She may be getting most of her nutrition from her one daily formula bottle”
• “I’d suggest topping her up with a formula bottle after every breastfeed”

So I asked: LLC appears to be happy, healthy and thriving so is it not possible she is just small?

To which I was told that her weight really should be more than what it is.

She made me feel concerned for LLC’s wellbeing.  Should I be taking her in for a urine test to check for infetion?  She made me question if my breast milk is nutritionally sound. I think it’s ridiculous for her to suggest LLC’s main source of nutrition could be from her formula feed – surely what I have given her thus far counts for something? And does she really think I want to top up each breastfeed I do with formula? I might as well stop breastfeeding if I’m going to do this and save a lot of time, money and energy on preparing extra feeds I doubt LLC will take. She does not seem unsatisfied after her breastfeeds.

I’ve determined that while I’m mostly home with LLC, while I can give her the goodness of breastfeeding I’d like to continue. I am not someone who saw myself breastfeeding for an extended period of time; even now I really see a year as the longest I want to continue. Yet now I’m questioning if I’m doing right by LLC.

So I’d value your take. Is 12lb 6oz really unhealthily small for a 6 month old? Do you know anyone else who was this low on the weight charts for this length of time and then ended up thriving? I need some reassurance or to know if this weight does seem quite low from your experience.

For now I’m thinking of introducing a second formula bottle/day as some form of middle ground.  Plus, we've recently started weaning so I expect that to begin to impact on her weight, though perhaps not dramatically at first.  Geez, my head is all over the place about this. Sorry for the rant.

Holiday - Celebrate!

Picture me singing this fab disco hit by Madonna. Actually don’t, because if you know my singing voice you’ll cringe at this image and stop reading (unless you are my innocent and faithful LLC).

As the song says, if we took a holiday…took some time to celebrate…..

We did. Well, we are. As of last Friday we’ve been enjoying a getaway in sunny Cornwall.

I dipped into some of the tips Young Mummy received from bloggers when preparing to holiday abroad with her hubby and young twins (worth checking out). Well travelled BG passed on some helpful hints from her vacations with Small V (put LLC to bed as normal and then take her out to dinner sleeping in the stroller). This  recon on board, we packed our bags (on Thursday night in tribute to my dear friend procrastination) and set off for Heathrow early Friday morning.

No, we weren’t flying to Cornwall, just picking up my parents who have joined us on LLC’s first vacation. The volcanic ash remained at bay so we met mom and dad and headed for our quaint and cosy rented cottage in the West Country.

We’ve taken a coastal hike with LLC in the Baby Bjorn, visited the slightly garish but noteworthy Lands End, climbed the stunning St Michael’s Mount, danced onstage at the cliffside Minack Theatre, and eaten tasty food and Cornish delights like clotted cream and ice cream (how could I resist when the region is known for them?!) and I’m relieved to report that it’s all going well. LLC has adjusted to some long car journeys, busy days and an overall shift in circumstance with gurgles, grace and limited tears. Maybe her innate preference is to be breastfed in beauty spots like the hill overlooking St Mawes castle, the sea-cliff at the base of St Michael’s Mount and the Minack Theatre’s central box?

We’ve had our moments of madness – two nights where LLC kept waking and crying and subsequently feeding and a couple of meltdowns in the car – but how can I not expect this from a four-month old who we’ve swept on a whirlwind adventure?

Some things I’ve discovered about road trips/vacation with baby:

• Extra hands work a treat – we don’t get to spend enough time with my parents and they are psyched for quality time with their first grandchild. Yes, sometimes I get pissy at my mom’s advice but overall she is wise, and they’ve not only helped us with LLC throughout the day but allowed us some rare and valued alone time too.
• Think ahead about feed times when taking a long journey – whether you feed at set times or more varied windows like me, when travelling six plus hours in the car a tactical plan of where/when to do feeds may save you from tears
• Invest in a baby carrier and then don’t forget it – Carriers and slings are a hot commodity these days as they enable mama/baby closeness and free hands. When sightseeing with a small baby, they also facilitate easy exploring of old fortresses with Cliffside stairs and rocky paths. Don’t do a Tanya and forget your carrier when climbing St Michael’s Mount unless you want an extra hard upper body workout.
• If you’re on the go, bring a spare lightweight diaper bag – I’m not advocating adding another frivolous item to the arsenal of baby luggage – I’ve found it practical to have an empty bag that I can chuck bare essentials into for our long walks (changing mat, diaper, wipes and cloth). My regular diaper bag, always fully stocked with a spare outfit, multiple nappies, muslins, bibs, and my crap would probably break my back.
• Think strategically about where you stay, even if you have access to a car – if you want to head out for dinner with a sleeping baby, think about staying in an area where you can walk to a town with places to eat. We’re staying in lovely cottage but it’s in a village with limited options, so if we want to venture further afield, we need to navigate more transfers that might disrupt the peace
• Do laundry – I’m learning that baby clothes have a fast turnover due to a daily detonation of either drool, poop or puke. If you have access to a washing machine, seriously lighten your load by doing a load of laundry instead of packing a gazillion outfits
• If breastfeeding, don’t forget to dress accordingly just because you are on vacation – I got excited by yet another sunny day this morning and almost trotted out the door in a tank top that would not have easily allowed nursing.
• Buy some baby SPF shades – Lathered in sun block and donning a sun hat, we thought we’d prepared LLC to face the coastal sun but the realized her little eyes were constantly squinting. Some Baby-Ban sunglasses helped sort out that issue and now protect her baby browns…

So we’re holidaying and celebrating and the week is proving active but relaxing at the same time. It feels good to get away from home where I always feel there is something I need to be doing and often don’t just chill out. It’s been refreshing to be outdoors and even away from the computer. It’s been really nice to see my mom and dad and vacation again as a family.

What are your holiday triumphs? What tips can you share that made the vacation a success?

Time for a Top Up

After our trip to the beloved health visitor last week I learned that LLC's weight gain/week decreased for the second time running.  She's gaining weight, just very slowly.  She's now fallen to around the 0.04% line.

I've mentioned this previously and it does weigh on my mind, even though I know that she just happens to be that baby on the bottom percentile line and that all my mama instincts tell me she's thriving.  I've had some great tips on increasing my milk supply yet upon reflection and examination, I'm pretty sure this is not the issue.  She just seems to be a light eater.  Couple that with being an active baby who is always kicking and wriggling and you get a lean baby.

But I can't help thinking that babies should have a bit of meat on them and it's slightly worrying that her weight gain, always small, has lately been dropping off.  So as of Saturday, we decided to introduce a bottle of formula for her evening "dream feed."  This way I see her getting one large, full feed a day, importantly at a time when she previously might have drifted back off to sleep without taking much from the breast.

I know many new mums who have moved on to formula because of choice, or because of genuine issue with breastfeeding.  I know the many benefits of breastfeeding but also believe formula feeding is nutritionally sound.   Even though this is only one bottle a day and I've always said I'd keep an open mind to combination feeding, it was a difficult decision for me to make. 

I'm not sure exactly why.  Perhaps I liked the achievement of exclusively breastfeeding?  As dear LH pointed out, perhaps I liked the idea that breast milk is something only I can give to LLC as formula dilutes the "exclusivity" of a mother/baby feeding relationship.  Maybe I wonder if formula might upset LLC's system, or I cling to the ease of breastfeeding with no bottles to sterilize and no formula to buy?

Ultimately though, I went with my gut and my gut told me it was time to supplement to see if it might help LLC further recognize her potential in the weight charts.  I'll keep you posted.

Did you ever combination feed and if so, how did it work for you?

Dear Sleepless Smiler....

Kat at 3 Bedroom Bungalow’s Dear So and So Series has tonight inspired me….

Dear Sleepless Smiler,

Why have you decided that 3:30am is the new wake-up time? You used to get up around 7am and mommy much preferred this. I need to care for you all day and I’ll have no energy left to play if I’m up for a good part of the night with you. Frustratingly, you are still so smiley and cute even in the midst of your late night antics but never mind that. Nighttime is for sleep!

Love,

Your tired mom

*

Dear Health Visitor,

No, I’m not going to express milk after every feed in order to further stimulate my milk supply. I do have a life.

LLC’s growth is slow but steady and she’s alert, happy and has plenty of wet nappies. She may be on the second percentile weight line – some baby has to be – and she just happens to be that girl. Please don’t mess with my head and make me think I don’t have enough milk.

Thanks a bunch,

One frustrated milk maiden

*

Dear Mr & Mrs Misery,

You're new to my road and already have our local neighborhood aloofness down to a tee. When we pass on the road and I attempt to make eye contact and smile, please don’t turn around. I won’t bite and I won’t even hold you up for five minutes chatting. I just want to say hello.

Consider it,

Tanya

*
Dear Thermostat,

Seriously, there is no way it’s 21 degrees in this house! Are the lights in the hallway invoking your tom-foolery? Please reflect the actual temperature so Chris will agree to turn on the heating at night.

Your chilly resident,

Tanya

*

Dear big woman and small woman chatting outside the elevator after Rhyme Time,

If you don’t call the elevator, it won’t come! Your presence alone is not enough to beckon the lift and you are holding up the entire line of mummies trying to get on with their day. A tad bit of common sense would be appreciated.

Hope not to see you later,

One tired and not amused mommy

*
Dear Readers,

I’m grateful that this blog has been nominated in a few categories of the MAD Awards. I really enjoy writing it and it's a honor to see that others enjoy the read.  If you also like my style, please cast a vote my way.

Thanks in advance,

Tanya

How cathartic!

Weighing In on Milking It

Last week LLC surpassed her birth weight after an initial post-birth weight loss. Apparently this initial fall in weight is common, presumably because colostrum (early day breast milk for those unschooled in mama milk jargon) may be nutrient rich but just isn’t as hearty as the steady food stream babies receive from the placenta in utero.

Here in the UK they are really hot weighing babies to ensure that they quickly regain their birth weight if need be, and then to ensure that their growth is on track with the little chart in the red book that all new moms receive for their child.

Although LLC is now “on track” on the weight charts, I think this weighing in obsession borders on, well obsession, and can unnecessarily stress out new moms. On one hand midwives and health visitors wax lyrical about breastfeeding; on the other they wield the weight gain whip and probably encourage moms to reach for formula so they can at least tell how much milk their baby is getting.

Feeding is another hot topic as a new mom.  But as is the case with most hot topics, it's very much a matter of personal choice.  For now I’m still exclusively breastfeeding LLC, namely because I feel it’s giving her a good healthy start in life and because she’s good at it and has not mangled my nipples – the only culprit there is my Medela Swing breast pump, which when fitted incorrectly sucked in too much areola and left me with a swollen nipple the size of a walnut. How I remained oblivious to this until it was too late is beyond me. Thankfully my nipple has now returned to “normal.” But anyway…

In the words of my fine friend SH, “feeding a small mammal through my own body” is pretty bizarre. Though it’s pretty amazing that LLC and I can share this experience, I don’t see myself becoming attached to breastfeeding in that I’d lament giving it up down the line when I feel it’s time to move on. Every time I hold, cuddle, kiss, describe the birds in the backyard to LLC I feel our bond growing and for me, while breastfeeding adds to this bond, it doesn’t cement it. Being completely honest, I don’t want her to be too dependent on my breast; thus why I express on occasion so Chris can also help with feeds. In the future I will want “to get my body back” though for now I’m happy sharing it with and giving the goodness that I can to our little lady.

Breaking the Silence

If I can get in the shower before 10am, it’s a really good day. If I manage some lunch before 3pm, it’s a feat. When LLC goes down for a nap that lasts a few hours, it is bliss.

Many people advised me to “sleep when the baby sleeps,” but unless it’s at night, I have trouble with this. I don’t want to run myself into the ground but LLC’s daytime naps seem like the only time I can really get other things accomplished. As it is, these “other things” now include sterilizing my breast pump and expressing milk, baby laundry and collapsing the stroller I left in the middle of my kitchen because I didn’t have a chance to do it following our walk.

Chris returned to work just over a week ago so I’ve now had some days flying solo with LLC and it’s full on. It’s still early days and no real pattern has been established – as soon as I think we have one it shifts and my week resembles more of a grab bag – I never know what I’m going to get. Sometimes LLC will amuse herself by staring at the balloon tied to her rocker and then drift off to sleep; other days she won’t settle unless she’s cuddling on my lap. On the bright side, these cuddle marathons redefine my understanding of love; on the frustrating side, they also mean I forfeit most other activity bar the bane of daytime TV.

Then last week M&J arrived from NY to meet LLC and spend some quality time with Chris and me. M and I grew up together and she knows me well; she and J made themselves at home and helped us with LLC. It was a perfect visit not about entertaining but catching up and introducing LLC to good friends. Their extra support gave Chris and me a boost and we accomplished a number of firsts including LLC’s first trip into central London and my first jaunts with breastfeeding in public, which went surprisingly well.

Back on my own this coming week, I’m more mobile and a bit more confident. I’m also committed to getting back to blogging after a near hiatus. Since each day is a new adventure I have plenty to write about and just need to make the time. But I will – watch this space!

Mama the Porn Star

Melons. That is the most apt description of my breasts when my milk “came in” earlier this week.

I didn’t fully understand what women meant about milk coming in, hard breasts etc until I experienced it first-hand. It’s crazy! Monday morning I felt my breasts getting harder and harder....what started out as gradual breast ache progressed to more acute tenderness and pain.

That’s when I looked in the mirror and discovered the full glory of my “new rack.” My breasts were huge – they didn’t even move - I looked like a porn star! Unbelievable but not sexy; in my book swollen is not sexy.

Fortunately LLC is a hungry little monkey and nursed through my engorgement like a superstar. I’m still learning the breastfeeding art and wasn’t sure if she’d be able to latch on correctly but I think we found our knack since after about 24 hours my inflammation had waned and I was able to lay down again without wincing. Ahh, I love my girl! I plan to stick with breastfeeding for the time being though I’m not of the opinion that formula milk is taboo. I’ll see how we get on but clearing this first hurdle felt good. Any feeding tips anyone?

Though we’re on steep learning curve, our first week with LLC has been an amazing trip and we can spend hours watching her. I enjoy identifying her many expressive faces, my favorite being her pirate face. My parents were with us for this week helping us settle and allowing us extra LLC time without household worries. They tell us she has a very mild temperament that we should be thankful for. I’m thankful for her through and through.

And now, I’m off to breastfeed...

Dress to Impress – My Bump Essentials for Comfort and Style

At the start of my pregnancy I declared that I would not be splurging on expensive, short-term maternity clothes. I planned to get maximum mileage out of my regular wardrobe, and thanks to A-line shirts and dresses and my drawer of sweat pants aka jogging bottoms, I have.

But as I’m now learning at the outset of my third trimester, non-maternity clothes only go, or stretch, so far. Some of my dresses no longer zip up at the side or are pulled so taught across my belly that they’re riding up at the front and back and look a little too escort-like for my tastes. My swimming tankini stopped being practical when my bump protruded from the bottom and boobs spilled over the top. Many of my longer, looser shirts started looking tighter and exposed the line of the belly band beneath holding my jeans in place. In short, it wasn’t pretty, or comfortable.

I have no problem headlining a basketball bump at my front day in and day out but I want to do it with some style, comfort and grace. I’m no fashion guru – I like what I like and what fits my shape and frequently see my clothes come in and out of “style” – but I know when I am confident and comfortable in what I’m wearing I feel much better.

So what’s a girl to do when she doesn’t want to break the bank but simultaneously avoid the mad whirlwind panic that is getting dressed each morning when nothing seems to fit anymore?

Don’t lose faith in your non-maternity wardrobe – take time to try on your clothes and make a mental note of the larger pieces that still fit your bump.

Borrow maternity clothes off a post-pregnant friend of a similar size and shape to you – a green and cost saving route.

Expand your wardrobe, but buy smart. Who cares if you need to wear the same 5 outfits each week?– if you choose versatile items that compliment your bump shape, they'll actually fit you and you can wear them like superstar and in varied combinations!  

I’m in no way omniscient in this area, but here are my top 11 maternity must-haves, all of which are available in high street to designer ranges depending on your budget.  It's taken me some time to sift through the maternity clothes mire to arrive at this list and hope it saves you some time and hassle if you're bump calls for a maternity wardrobe:

• Belly Band: These bands will prolong the life of your jeans and work trousers and save you buying an arsenal of bump jeans etc. I used mine from around 20 weeks onwards. Yes, they can be slightly fiddly and you may need to fold them over but they’ll save you money and they hold up your pants. I bought a couple of Baby Be Mine Belly Bands off Amazon but Topshop also sells them for a fiver.
• Bump Jeans: I invested in one pair of over the bump jeans from Mothercare so I don’t always have to mess around with my belly band. They weren’t overly pricey and there is no chance that they might slip down. The only drawback to them is that the elastic at the top of the band sometimes digs into my stomach, a problem I only see being exacerbated as bump grows. Folding the top elastic part over once minimizes the “rub.”
• Bump Black Trousers: I just got one pair of these in the USA. My belly bands still work but I found a soft, stretchy, lightweight and relatively inexpensive pair that looks stylish and is just really comfortable and effortless, particularly with bump on the rise!
• Sweat pants (jogging bottoms) or loose PJ bottoms: Anything with tight elastic at the top won’t suit but soft, stretchy, cotton numbers already in your closet are free and work like a charm. They fit over bump without leaving too much of an indentation on your stomach and you don’t get the feeling you’re stretching them out because they were already loose and stretchy pre-pregnancy anyway. 
• Black Maternity Leggings: I’m still wearing a lot of my old tights but they recently started to feel like a bump corset. I just picked up black, opaque maternity leggings that ease over my bump and can be worn with a dress or long top without looking too skimpy. And unlike skinny jeans I don’t have to make any effort to tuck them into my boots.
• A Maternity Bra that Fits (or a few): I’ve heard that boobs only get bigger when breastfeeding so it’s best not to splurge on bras too soon in pregnancy. Then again, bra spillage just isn’t on! Until now I managed to get by with some of my larger pre-pregnancy bras (but only about 3 still fit) and a couple of maternity bras from Mothercare. Last week in the USA I also picked up a Pea in the Pod nursing bra that I can wear now and hopefully to nurse when baby arrives, giving bigger bang for the buck! Mama E also suggested Bravissimo, whose lingerie is really pretty!
• A Cute Dress: Look for a dress, maternity or non-maternity that can be "dressed up" for work or an evening out or "down" for daily use. To me dresses equal feminine style and comfort all around but watch out for cuts that are too loose and bag-like or that have funny seams at the middle. I picked up an A-line £15 dress in the Brick Lane Market that works and have my eye on pieces like this from Jo Jo Maman Bebe and New Look.
• Long Sweater or Cardigan that covers your bump: My mom just bought me two of these (thank you mom) and they are amazing! I will now retire my hot "short cardigan with long shirt hanging out the back" look; these maternity sweaters are better fitting, warmer and much more flattering. They can be layered with almost anything and I've already worn both a few times and only got them last week.  There are tons going on Ebay - don't overlook the power of recycled mat-wear!
• Night gown: I tend to be a shorts and tank top or PJs kind of girl but my regular bed-wear is no longer fitting plus my bump feels like an inbuilt radiator. I just got a cute red night dress that is also an easy access nursing gown for when the little lady arrives.  It’s cooler and more comfortable through the night and also great to pad around the house in! It wasn't the cheapest on the market but I plan to get a lot of use out of it now and with baby.
• Long top (or two): You have many a store, online auction, cut and style to choose from but look for a couple of pieces that go with your jeans, your black pants and your leggings and can be layered with your long cardigan. Don’t overlook long, loose or A-line tops that you might already have but if they stop fitting, a small but smart investment in a maternity top can go a long way.
• Maternity Swimsuit: Only helpful if you’re going to actually swim, but since I do I now can without looking scary a la a swimsuit from Vertbaudet. (If you sign up to their mailing list you'll be inundated with coupons but I got £10 off this purchase so they're worth sifting through).

Medical News Flashes: Home Birth & Breastfeeding

The following two articles may be of interest:

On the My Best Birth site, Ricki Lake draws attention to a new study just out in the Canadian Medical Association Journal on the safety of home birth versus hospital birth. In brief, this article paints an encouraging picture of home birth that is worth a look.

Also -

Today the BBC reports findings of a BJOG study that indicates drugs oxytocin and/or ergometrine, commonly used to treat bleeding after birth, may impede a woman's ability to breastfeed her baby. The Swansea University team that carried out the study also found that high doses of painkilling drugs have a similar effect.

With healthy and not so healthy debate raging around breast versus bottle feeding (this weekend a friend just told us a funny story about bottle milk being referred to as "the devil's milk"), this study promises to add more fuel to the fire around factors that affect a woman's ability to breastfeed.

Though experts warn that no firm conclusions can be drawn at this stage, I think it's important that pregnant women are better informed about the about the associated risks of medications used during labour and birth. In the BBC article, Rosemary Dodds, NCT policy research officer suggests that "women at low risk of bleeding may not need to take these drugs."