Fit Mama

To avoid confusion, I don’t mean “fit” as in “good looking” as the British often use the phrase. I mean fit as in healthy and in shape, although I suppose that is linked to beauty...

What mother has time to exercise regularly, or even to exercise at all? Free time is a valuable commodity as parent. On the rare chance that it crops up, aren’t we more likely to nap or drink wine or read a book than hit the gym? In many cases, probably.

For me, exercise has always been a part of my life. I played soccer for years growing up and was generally sporty (not necessarily good at sport, but just up for it) in school. You may remember that I’m a bit of a runner, in a non-competitive, I do it for my health and head space kind of way. Until LLC came on the scene I was a regular attendee of Pilates. I’m no exercise guru and some weeks I would do nothing, but it was a priority for me and I usually did some type of work out each week.

And that’s just it. Priorities. I’ve quickly learned that parenting only increases the juggling act that is the real adult world and if you are going to stay fit as a mom, exercise usually has to be one of those many priorities. (Unless you are one of those lucky svelte people that can eat like a horse and who has naturally shapely legs.)

But this is not about being thin. This is about exercise to stay healthy....to feel healthy. Once I get over finding a free space of time and then dragging my booty out the door, I always feel really good for my efforts in the exercise department. I feel more toned.  I've given myself some time out to think of new writing ideas as I jog.  I’m not super fit, but I’m in decent shape and mentally I think the exercise does me good too.

You might be scoffing at me saying you have far too many other things to do to consider exercise, but, if you do want to jump on this bandwagon and are struggling to find the time, here are some of my totally non-expert tips to get started and stay on board.

• Make exercise a priority, but be realistic about what you can achieve. Don’t go from nothing to attempting 5 work-outs a week. Aim small, doing one or two things a week. And stick with them. There will be a cumulative affect on your fitness.
• Pick something you enjoy doing. Swimming? Walking? Yoga? Home aerobics dvd? Dancing? Give yourself one slot a week to do this activity, just one slot, and try to stick to it.
• Stretch before bed. My calves tend to get tight, so I do some calf stretches before bed. I also throw in 15 squats a night. I’m still waiting for glutes of steel, but it’s better than nothing.
• Walk walk walk and take the stairs. It’s hard to walk quickly with children...I can already see this now that LLC is just toddling. But whether you have the opportunity to push a small baby in a pushchair or walk to the shops, or to the office while without the kids, do it! Save your petrol and your commuting costs. Okay, this takes longer and time is of the essence, but if you can integrate more walking it is an easy way to fit in exercise and let your mind breath a bit too. Or better yet, find a time to do it with friends and chat!
• Buy a cheap set of weights or a resistance band, look up some exercises online and do a few sets, one or two nights a week. I’m talking 10 minutes here. But if you keep it up, it does make a difference.

And tad da – you are a fit mama! Or at least more fit than you were before. I think it’s worth a try but what do you think? And do you have any tips to add?

Post-natal Depression - For Dads

This BBC article about father’s suffering from post-natal depression (PND)caught my eye.

My pregnancy/parenting books and updates warned about the signs of PND I might experience as a new mother, but they never said anything about dad’s feeling low. In fact, I maybe naively, never really thought much about how post-natal depression might affect fathers until recent news like this started making headlines.

The emotional / physical / logistical pressures of becoming a mother are pretty well documented but why don’t we talk more openly about the stresses heaped on new dads? Depression can be a taboo topic to discuss, but getting the risk factors, triggers and symptoms more out in the open will surely help tackle the Fatherhood Institute’s worrying statistic that one out of every 10 fathers are depressed both before and after their baby is born.

Dad’s may not bear and birth the baby but becoming their parent will instigate some tricky life shifts. They might feel increased financial pressure. Or feelings of isolation, jealously and then regret as everyone fusses over their partner and child. Or frustration at a compromised emotional and sexual relationship during sleep deprived weeks. They might just want someone to pay their feelings more attention, which may confuse them all the more as, *sweeping generalisation*, men by and large don’t seem as comfortable “outing” their demons and feelings as women.

Fatherhood is exciting, wonderful, challenging.....but new dads need not be stoic about the pressures they face. When I think about our early days with LLC I remember that both Chris and I had our frustrations and we still do. But as a couple, we like to hash things out and I think this helps us sort them out. And while I never dwelled on PND and fortunately neither of us suffered from it, I perhaps should have known the signs for men and more proactively checked up on Chris’ mental health. And for couples that don’t as actively discuss their “issues,” is PND even more likely to be swept under the rug until it trips up one or all of the family?

Knowledge could be preventative, support can be part of a cure; do you think more needs to be done to educate men and women alike about PND in fathers?

A Very British Weekend

It’s been a very British weekend in our neck of the woods. Here’s what we got up to:

The Royal Wedding – Most on both sides of the Atlantic either watched it live or have seen the footage, talked about it, blogged about it, etc. Chris had to work during the big event and though I always planned to watch it, I didn’t realize how much of an emotional chord it would strike with me. Sitting in my living room admiring Westminster Abbey in all its blooming glory and the wave of well-wishers making their way to Buckingham Palace to pay tribute to William and Kate, I felt a real pride for the British and the Royal institution. Even LLC took some time out of moving her stuffed animals around on her animal train to show her respects. My other highlights:

• Harry taking many a cheeky glance over his shoulder at Kate as she made her way up the aisle
• The locally sourced flowers / greens / trees adorning Westminster Abbey – gorgeous
• The BBC presenter that commented that “William is a very good driver,” as he chauffeured Kate off down the Mall in the Aston Martin – I don’t know if driving slowly down the empty Mall is really a test of driving skills but he could practically walk on water at that point
• Seeing two young people seemingly truly in love, pomp and circumstance aside

Then came Saturday. When the sun comes out and the temperature hits about 12 C, Brits seem to do one of three things: to the beach, have a BBQ, have a picnic. We went with the picnic option with friends in Greenwich Park. It really wasn’t warm enough for my sundress but I ploughed ahead with it, still delusional from the warm spell that came over the Easter weekend but decidedly exited this past week. So we had sunshine tempered by a slight chill mixed with friends, a ball, yummy picnic treats and bubbles followed by a drink at The Trafalgar pub on the river. A delightful afternoon for all of the family – LLC particularly liked taking one bite out of each item of our picnic food and then discarding it, along with sticking her fist into the middle of a quiche.

Next, the cricket tour. Oh yes, cricket in action. You may know that Chris used to play cricket for a league team, which consumed the every Saturday for the best part of the year and left me a cricket widow! (Though I hasten to add that he stopped this of his own accord). Anyway, Chris still plays from time to time with a mainly touring team so off we all went to Norfolk to introduce LLC to the sport. Spectator enjoyment of cricket, to me, depends on having fine chat, fine wine and other general distractions to my disposal. We had even better this weekend with all of the above integrated into a family friendly weekend that involved just one game of cricket.

The tour kicked off with a delicious seafood lunch just beyond Cromer (at a crab house manned by a fine but fierce lady – if I could only do justice in painting a picture of her hunting down a wayward smoker on her premises, or shooing out customers who headed for their table too early....) followed by a paddle on the beach and then garden sports for all of the family on the grounds of the large Hall where we were all staying. There were a few other children in the mix with LLC, and she certainly had no shortage of adult attention either as she tucked into crabs, practiced her walking during a rounder’s game, waved to daddy on the cricket pitch and sat reading magazines with the ladies.

So overall a very British weekend, but also a very social weekend, which is something that is important to Chris and me.  We promised ourselves we would try to integrate LLC into activities that we enjoy and this weekend it really felt that we are finding this new life balance where adult activity continues, enhanced by the little one we have on board.  

Inadequate Mother Syndrome

When inadequate mother syndrome strikes I want to bang my head against the wall. In these moments of madness, my heart tells me I’m being stupid but my head just won’t listen and is up for a battle.

Maybe it’s a beginning of the year thing. I take stock of all my “failed to achieves” for 2010 and get overwhelmed about all my goals for 2011. I start to wonder if my time with LLC is 'quality’ enough or more a fraught balancing act of play, laundry and work emails while she naps. On the days I'm not at work, why can’t I get more done, why am I so slow, if I was quicker with my "daily grind" I would have more time just with her without worrying about washing up at the same time. And how do “power moms” seem to achieve “so much” be it at home and/or in the workplace and/or personally as women when I struggle to complete my weekly to do lists?

Okay, now that’s off my chest. This is when I tell myself to get a grip and cut the drivel. Because it’s exactly times like this when I feel down and out and get lost in pointless comparison that I end up wasting perfectly good time that I could be doing something more productive with.

If I know the solution why is it hard to put this into practice? Do I have some sick inclination to knock my confidence? No, I don’t think so. I think I’m just used to focusing more on what I haven’t done than what I have achieved.

But on this dreary February night I’m pleased to say that I’m feeling more empowered. I’m feeling more proud. I’m stepping back from all this white noise in my head and remembering all the things that I do achieve, all the things that create my now balance, all the things that, even if seemingly simple, refute my claims to inadequate mom syndrome.

Alice at Alice’s Adventures into Motherland tagged me in a seven secrets meme so in the context of this post, I’m going to share seven reasons why I’m not doing too bad as a mom all around rather than just seven plain old secrets about me. Then I can go back and read it when I’m being an idiot!

• LLC and I have read together every day of her life – even though I hadn’t been indulging in my love of books until recently, hopefully I’ve helped her discover the joy of reading.
• I dance a lot with LLC. With and for her. We put on Heart or Capital swirl around. Thankfully my lounge is at the back of the house away from public windows!  That must be good for the soul!
• I cook all the time for LLC and try hard to help her eat good food. Tonight I spent stewing apple and making chicken balls....
• I work part-time, partly from home, which requires discipline and autonomy. I take pride in my work and hope this strong work ethic will be apparent to and rub off on LLC in time.
• My house is in reasonably clean and in working order. I try to do a bit every day to keep it that way. I hate cleaning the bathroom but I do it every week. I sweep the floors. It’s presentable, and I should get some credit for keeping it that way (with Chris’ help too).
• I run. I did a half marathon last autumn in LLC’s first year. I write. I wish I blogged more but I write more than I ever did. I have ideas for a novel, and a children’s book. I have a lot to give and I'm slowly but surely taking action on the ideas in my head.  This blog is a testament to that.
• I talk to LLC about anything and everything. When we are together I always take time to explain our actions and why we can or can’t do something. I always try to help her learn (whether we are playing with flour or her shape sorting bus or reading her table mat of the USA) and every day make her laugh too. I guess I deserve some credit for that.

Do you ever suffer from inadequate mom syndrome and how do you re-gain perspective?

Busy Bees

It’s been all go in our neck of the woods....and beyond.

The week following our Cornwall vacation, LLC and I supported Chris take part in the Blenheim Triathlon. It felt like we deserved a prize in our own right for running around and cheering Chris on during each leg of the event. We’re getting skilled at beings daddy’s cheerleaders and he managed a personal best. All this supporting has me itching to book into a 10K or half marathon for later this year.

The following morning we trekked to the American Embassy in Grosvenor Square to file for LLC’s American Citizenship. Note to any fellow Americans travelling to the current London US Embassy with children: it has no ramps or lifts (very helpful when you have a stroller!) Come with another adult if you can.

Then Grandma S came to visit from Dorset for a few days and showered LLC with extra cuddles and attention. One afternoon the three of us drove to Sevenoaks for afternoon tea with LLC’s great grandma F, thus celebrating four generations of our family women under one roof!

Last Friday, Chris took the day off and we drove to Devon to spend the week with some of our dear friends Family H. We always love these trips but this last one was particularly memorable as it was LLC’s first trip to Devon and our first trip to Family H since their little girl arrived seven weeks after LLC.

I now understand, for real, that navigating parenthood is no small task and adjusting to life with a baby is wonderful and manageable but also scary and hard at times too. Having good friends simultaneously ride this wave has been exciting and supportive. We share tips and war stories, reflect on how the dynamics of our life have shifted and remind each other that we’re doing pretty damn well.

The seven-week age difference between LLC and Baby I made for interesting observation at this early stage; if I moved an object back and forth between them Baby I would follow it with her eyes while LLC now follows with her head as well. LLC chatters and shrieks a bit more but Baby I is already coming into her own with gurgles and softer sounds. It’s a reminder how each week brings so much right now.

So this weekend our before babies “four-way” became a “six-way”. The weekend proved better than ever, aside from LLC’s Friday night breakdown that kept Chris and me (and fortunately not Family H) up for a good portion of the night. We had a BBQ, took a couple of walks, caught up as we always do – at times like these, I feel that we really are rolling out that new life balance I often speak of and I’m loving it.

Holiday - Celebrate!

Picture me singing this fab disco hit by Madonna. Actually don’t, because if you know my singing voice you’ll cringe at this image and stop reading (unless you are my innocent and faithful LLC).

As the song says, if we took a holiday…took some time to celebrate…..

We did. Well, we are. As of last Friday we’ve been enjoying a getaway in sunny Cornwall.

I dipped into some of the tips Young Mummy received from bloggers when preparing to holiday abroad with her hubby and young twins (worth checking out). Well travelled BG passed on some helpful hints from her vacations with Small V (put LLC to bed as normal and then take her out to dinner sleeping in the stroller). This  recon on board, we packed our bags (on Thursday night in tribute to my dear friend procrastination) and set off for Heathrow early Friday morning.

No, we weren’t flying to Cornwall, just picking up my parents who have joined us on LLC’s first vacation. The volcanic ash remained at bay so we met mom and dad and headed for our quaint and cosy rented cottage in the West Country.

We’ve taken a coastal hike with LLC in the Baby Bjorn, visited the slightly garish but noteworthy Lands End, climbed the stunning St Michael’s Mount, danced onstage at the cliffside Minack Theatre, and eaten tasty food and Cornish delights like clotted cream and ice cream (how could I resist when the region is known for them?!) and I’m relieved to report that it’s all going well. LLC has adjusted to some long car journeys, busy days and an overall shift in circumstance with gurgles, grace and limited tears. Maybe her innate preference is to be breastfed in beauty spots like the hill overlooking St Mawes castle, the sea-cliff at the base of St Michael’s Mount and the Minack Theatre’s central box?

We’ve had our moments of madness – two nights where LLC kept waking and crying and subsequently feeding and a couple of meltdowns in the car – but how can I not expect this from a four-month old who we’ve swept on a whirlwind adventure?

Some things I’ve discovered about road trips/vacation with baby:

• Extra hands work a treat – we don’t get to spend enough time with my parents and they are psyched for quality time with their first grandchild. Yes, sometimes I get pissy at my mom’s advice but overall she is wise, and they’ve not only helped us with LLC throughout the day but allowed us some rare and valued alone time too.
• Think ahead about feed times when taking a long journey – whether you feed at set times or more varied windows like me, when travelling six plus hours in the car a tactical plan of where/when to do feeds may save you from tears
• Invest in a baby carrier and then don’t forget it – Carriers and slings are a hot commodity these days as they enable mama/baby closeness and free hands. When sightseeing with a small baby, they also facilitate easy exploring of old fortresses with Cliffside stairs and rocky paths. Don’t do a Tanya and forget your carrier when climbing St Michael’s Mount unless you want an extra hard upper body workout.
• If you’re on the go, bring a spare lightweight diaper bag – I’m not advocating adding another frivolous item to the arsenal of baby luggage – I’ve found it practical to have an empty bag that I can chuck bare essentials into for our long walks (changing mat, diaper, wipes and cloth). My regular diaper bag, always fully stocked with a spare outfit, multiple nappies, muslins, bibs, and my crap would probably break my back.
• Think strategically about where you stay, even if you have access to a car – if you want to head out for dinner with a sleeping baby, think about staying in an area where you can walk to a town with places to eat. We’re staying in lovely cottage but it’s in a village with limited options, so if we want to venture further afield, we need to navigate more transfers that might disrupt the peace
• Do laundry – I’m learning that baby clothes have a fast turnover due to a daily detonation of either drool, poop or puke. If you have access to a washing machine, seriously lighten your load by doing a load of laundry instead of packing a gazillion outfits
• If breastfeeding, don’t forget to dress accordingly just because you are on vacation – I got excited by yet another sunny day this morning and almost trotted out the door in a tank top that would not have easily allowed nursing.
• Buy some baby SPF shades – Lathered in sun block and donning a sun hat, we thought we’d prepared LLC to face the coastal sun but the realized her little eyes were constantly squinting. Some Baby-Ban sunglasses helped sort out that issue and now protect her baby browns…

So we’re holidaying and celebrating and the week is proving active but relaxing at the same time. It feels good to get away from home where I always feel there is something I need to be doing and often don’t just chill out. It’s been refreshing to be outdoors and even away from the computer. It’s been really nice to see my mom and dad and vacation again as a family.

What are your holiday triumphs? What tips can you share that made the vacation a success?

Out & About, A Tooth & A Brit

It’s been a busy several days. Good busy; achieving our new life balance busy.

Saturday I had my first extended solo day out since LLC’s arrival. I went to the lovely LT’s hen do, which meant champagne tea at The Orangery in Kensington Gardens followed by bowling at All Star Lanes. It felt good to put on a dress and a non-nursing bra and chat about things other than nappies and how many hours LLC slept through the night. Don’t get me wrong – I’m grateful for this talk with my mum friends but I was also grateful for the chance to hang up my mommy hat for several hours and talk weddings, jobs, politics and food uninterrupted by tears and poop. There was naturally some baby talk too but it wasn’t the main event. I enjoyed myself (even though my bowling was shameful) but couldn’t wait to give LLC a kiss and re-don my mommy hat by the end of the evening. Plus, my breasts were getting hot and firm and scarily fountain-like….

Sunday Chris, LLC & I met up with our NCT friends & babies. That’s 21 people, including babies. While we ladies meet regularly this was the first time since our ante-natal classes that the men got involved. We went to a fab local gastropub that actually fit all of us at a table in their bar area. We enjoyed delicious food, seven well behaved little ones (no meltdowns - amazing!) and discussing how we’re all coping through these early parenting days. Our leap into parenthood provided the root of our relationship and these are now growing into some great friendships. We’re all doting parents but still know how to enjoy a meal out, random natter and a cheeky beer or glass of wine!

LLC’s angelic behavior at the pub Sunday afternoon proved the calm before the storm of Sunday night. She went to bed as normal but woke up around 10pm, wailing, drooling and trying to eat her hand off! I had noticed she’d been drooling and chewing on her fingers a fair bit during the day but her discomfort had clearly reached a new level. Four and a half hours of crying later, we finally settled her and stumbled into bed with the scary realization that teething may have begun.

I hear that teething pressure can rear its ugly head months before any teeth appear. Poor LLC. It was difficult seeing her so distressed and not knowing how to help her. I had tried a teething ring but she wasn’t having it so I resorted to lots of cuddles. At least next time I’ll be prepared with some Dentinox Teething Gel, Nelsons Teetha or Calpol – thanks for the advice LG! Do you have strategies for coping with teething? Please bring them on!

My sleep deprived night left me feeling anything but fresh Monday morning and Monday was a big day for me. Why? I swore allegiance to the Queen and became a British citizen. After a couple of years of procrastination, I finally pulled my finger out and applied for dual citizenship. So now like my husband and my daughter, I’m a Brit. An official American Brit. Now can I vote in the imminent General Election, even though my choices leave me far from thrilled… Tired I may have been but that didn’t stop me from smiling, as you can see from this photo taken right after the big event.

Me, Myself & I

A current of city slickers sweeps LLC and me across London Bridge. I clutch her stroller and try to ignore the incessant thump thump of her diaper bag against my thigh. It’s laden with diapers, wipes, a change of clothes, a bottle of expressed milk, a wet bag, my wallet, keys, train pass, lip gloss: my now arsenal of “don’t leave home without” paraphernalia.

The day is cool and crisp; London is finally sun-kissed; it’s a fine afternoon for my trip to introduce the little lady to Chris’ co-workers. I crane my neck over the stroller cover to catch a glimpse of her. She’s peaceful and paying a visit to never-never land.

I raise my eyes and see red….. a really nice, lightweight red jacket.

The said jacket and its wearer, an attractive American girl chattering on her mobile, approaches at the swift pace of a busy young urbanite on a mission. She appears my contemporary but she’s dressed to impress, looks a career woman and appears to be discussing tonight’s dinner plans as we pass. Then she’s gone.

I know nothing about this woman but in this moment she reminds me of my former “professional” self and I’m acutely aware of my flat, worn boots, bulging diaper bag and stroller carrying my pride and joy. This glimpse of recognition is bitter-sweet; this realization and momentary pause for what was, is somewhat confusing.

I wouldn’t trade becoming a mom for the world; my love for LLC knows no bounds. Yet it still stirs me slightly how I so recently walked these streets in a similar fashion – rushing to the office daily, committing to a last minute post work drink, no innocent, young dependent to consider…..these days are no more.

When you tell people that you are having your first baby, many declare “how it will change your life.” I found this slightly irritating because brining a new person into the world and raising her clearly calls for a life shift. I didn’t like that the “change your life” often had a “fasten your seat belt and say goodbye to your freedom” connotation. Chris and I declared that while starting a family would significantly alter the fabric of our life and make us grow as people, it would not inhibit us from carrying on with things we love. That’s the new life balance I often talk about.

I’m now over the bridge and pondering my new life balance as I walk on. I don’t plan to return to work full-time in the City but I’m exploring part-time opportunities for later this year that will engage my mind, allow me time at home with LLC and hopefully be a better fit for me as a person. I need to be more strategic about when I run or write this blog but I’m still finding time for these things, even if to a lesser extent while my days are a bit pot luck. I’ve managed a night out on the town with friends and Chris and I have had two nights alone at our local pub thanks to our parents. And through it all, my days are amazingly colorful on account of my dear LLC.

I catch a glimpse of myself in a shop window. Some wind buffeted strands of my hair stick to my lip gloss – I never learn that wind and lip gloss don't mix – and I look at home at the helm of LLC’s stroller. I am aware of the hopes, fears and dreams within me; I am a proud mother, I am a woman with love and ambition running through my veins. I not just the busy young professional I once - I am now much more.

I take a deep breath and close my eyes. I smile at this new me in the shop window and then avert my gaze to my still sleeping daughter. I exhale, and move on with renewed conviction.

This post was inspired by Josie at Sleep is for the Weak's weekly writing workshop, prompt #4 - Describe a 'letting go' that made you happy, not sad.

Breaking the Silence

If I can get in the shower before 10am, it’s a really good day. If I manage some lunch before 3pm, it’s a feat. When LLC goes down for a nap that lasts a few hours, it is bliss.

Many people advised me to “sleep when the baby sleeps,” but unless it’s at night, I have trouble with this. I don’t want to run myself into the ground but LLC’s daytime naps seem like the only time I can really get other things accomplished. As it is, these “other things” now include sterilizing my breast pump and expressing milk, baby laundry and collapsing the stroller I left in the middle of my kitchen because I didn’t have a chance to do it following our walk.

Chris returned to work just over a week ago so I’ve now had some days flying solo with LLC and it’s full on. It’s still early days and no real pattern has been established – as soon as I think we have one it shifts and my week resembles more of a grab bag – I never know what I’m going to get. Sometimes LLC will amuse herself by staring at the balloon tied to her rocker and then drift off to sleep; other days she won’t settle unless she’s cuddling on my lap. On the bright side, these cuddle marathons redefine my understanding of love; on the frustrating side, they also mean I forfeit most other activity bar the bane of daytime TV.

Then last week M&J arrived from NY to meet LLC and spend some quality time with Chris and me. M and I grew up together and she knows me well; she and J made themselves at home and helped us with LLC. It was a perfect visit not about entertaining but catching up and introducing LLC to good friends. Their extra support gave Chris and me a boost and we accomplished a number of firsts including LLC’s first trip into central London and my first jaunts with breastfeeding in public, which went surprisingly well.

Back on my own this coming week, I’m more mobile and a bit more confident. I’m also committed to getting back to blogging after a near hiatus. Since each day is a new adventure I have plenty to write about and just need to make the time. But I will – watch this space!

Looks can be deceiving: the My Object Meme

This is my first dabble with memes, inspired by The Dotterel who opened up his meme to the masses... (FYI a meme is when another blogger posts on a topic and then invites other bloggers to write a post on the same topic – I’m finally in the loop after some confusion!)

Anyway, this meme is about choosing an object that tells the story of my family and/or me.

So I’ve chosen my worn and weathered, comfy and cozy, not aesthetically but always emotionally pleasing Russell Athletic sweatshirt. Before you scrunch up your nose or question whether my pregnancy hormones have finally led me off the deep end, I’ll explain.

Chris and I are not chronic hoarders but sporadic hoarders all the same. We both glean significance from a range of random little tidbits like my heart-shaped rock, his House of Lords whiskey and the first hand-written letters that we exchanged while living across the ocean from each other.....

This Russell Athletic sweatshirt stands out from our motley of “special objects,” as a symbol of togetherness, hope and unadorned contentment. More than an old item of clothing, it’s a sweatshirt that holds good memories of past, even when the going was tough and it still comforts me in the here and now.

This sweatshirt belonged to Chris and he gave it to me when I was 19 or 20 and we were in the midst of a long distance relationship. If you’ve ever done long distance, you will sympathize with the overwhelming, stifling emotion of wanting to reach out and hold your special someone’s hand and knowing that it’s not to be for some time. We were both at University, just on different sides of the Atlantic. Not close friends but many others questioned our fidelity and challenged me about pursuing a long distance relationship at my age.

I must have known back then that Chris and I were the real deal, for I never felt threatened by these obnoxious remarks, just frustrated that I wasn’t with my guy. Day in day out, I had a little piece/scent of him in this Russell Athletic sweatshirt. It didn’t matter that it was three sizes too big, worn out and faded – to me it was a piece of Chris, our solidarity, a sign of hope for good times to come. I didn’t wear it out much but it was always there for me to come home to.

Fast forward to the present, the sweatshirt moved back to England with me in 2002 and continues to be a near and dear symbol of the special bond that Chris and I have and that changed my life really. Now that I’m pregnant with the little lady (still pregnant) it’s the perfect size for bump and me to fit into physically, and emotionally its magic and the bond it represents has extended from the two of us to the three of us and the new life balance we are soon to carve out.

If you passed me on the street in my Russell Athletic sweatshirt you wouldn’t blink an eye aside from possibly noting that I am one heavily pregnant lady in a big old sweatshirt. And that’s okay – it just goes to show that the magic for each of us comes in unexpected places.

Truthful Tuesdays – When Losing Actually Means Winning

This post is for Elizabeth of Confessions From A Working Mom, who asks fellow bloggers to share a new truth each Tuesday. This week, she asked:

“Have you ever lost something….and came out a winner?”

This was an easy ask for me. As soon as I became pregnant, I lost my ability to be selfish. Now I don’t think I’m an overly self-centered person and Chris and I take on the world as a team and all that jazz BUT I never before had a human being’s life physically depend on me in a manner that led me to change many small but personal elements of my daily life. These changes, though subtle in isolation, speak to the pretty big new responsibility of birthing and raising another person; helping them to grow and put good back into this wild and wonderful world.

In pregnancy I said goodbye to brie, my figure, medium rare steaks, running (at about 25 weeks) and glasses of red …. but these losses are temporary and the reward we get, our little lady, reduce these sacrifices to the influence of a grain of sand.

In the longer term, as Chris and I look to carve out our new life balance, we won’t just be thinking about what we want, but about what we want for our family and how to still “do our own thing” within that greater and all important context. I keep mentioning this is important to us – it is – but we realize that it won’t just be us anymore, like it’s always been. That loss is slightly bittersweet when I think of all the little random things we do together (from spur of the moment runs in the dark to drinking a bottle of wine and then another to lazy weekend lay-ins) without another care in the world.

Now we’ll have a care. Our daughter. But you know what? We consciously made this choice and I wouldn’t trade the fact I’m pregnant and that we’re having a little girl and entering a new life chapter for the world. So our loss is really more our gain. For I’m sure life is soon to take on new, exhilarating dimensions that I won’t quite understand until they’re unraveling before me.

Party Like It's 2009!

Par-tay! Yup, that what Chris and I are doing this New Year’s Eve 2009. Scene of the crime: our living room. Life and soul of the party: Chris post a half day in the office, big blooming me, Rico the cat purring and bump kicking....along with board games, a yummy Mexican dinner and some bubbly. A random mix for a random lady.

Yes, it is the close of 2009 and yes, our celebrations fall nicely in line with our imminent life chapter where New Year’s celebrations are likely to be toned down at notch or two. In all honesty, I’m one of those who sees New Year’s fiestas as often over-rated and overly expensive. I think even our local pub has a cover charge. Whenever too much expectation is placed on one night it often doesn’t live up in reality. Some of our best New Year celebrations have been at home with friends, something that shouldn’t be too tough to integrate babies into.

I started 2009 with my usual “Goals for 20xx” list. I think I had about 20 items on my list. You know I tend to go overboard with the damn lists. Well, I’m not going to bore you with the details of my to do’s aside from to say on the whole, it’s been a pretty productive and life changing year. We have our little lady on the way and I began writing again, a latent passion that I’m pleased has been galvanized by this new pregnancy/parenting phase of my life. Ticking those two items off gives me great satisfaction and a sense of accomplishment.

As two become three, (or four counting little Rico), 2010 promises to be all the more life changing, exciting, challenging and hopefully productive. I feel I have so much more to learn and that I want to achieve in this new life chapter that I better keep my 2010 Goals List short and sweet or it may run a million miles long.
Three major things I’d like to achieve are:

• Have our baby! This is on the cards, and although women may be built as baby making machines, to actually do the deed will be my biggest feat to date. I hope we are able to have our home birth as planned, but ultimately all we want is our little lady, safe and sound.
• Find our new life balance with baby while maintaining our own independence as individuals and a couple, something of a life ethos for Chris and me and a running theme through my blog and soon to be website. 
  
• Launch my new website, which will feature my blog (a journey of my transition to parenthood and chronicle of pregnancy and parenting advice/news/etc from both sides of the pond), a sharp & topical weekly advice bulletin from other pregnant and parent writers (an expansion of mama chat) with real advice to share and a forum for my freelance parenting writing projects. This launch is on the cards for January 2010 once I overcome a few technology hurdles so watch this space! Parent blogging is such a hot commodity on both sides of the pond that my mission often seems daunting but I’m dedicated and hope you enjoy the read. Three social networks I’ve recently joined but can tell will prove invaluable to my blogging journey are the British Mummy Bloggers, Mom Bloggers Club and My Best Birth, where there are countless impressive, creative and real mama bloggers that generously share wisdoms and knowledge about their lives, their birth experience and making headway in the black hole of parent blogging. If you are also an aspiring mama blogger definitely check them out.

Now I better re-join Chris in the living room after this frenzied "close of 09" post! Happy New Year!

Mama Chat Volume 2 - A Dish on Parenting from Real Moms

First, week 38 pictures:

In the holiday spirit of giving, lovely moms EW from the USA and LG from the UK have agreed to share more parenting wisdoms with you and me.

As usual, some of these tips may be your cup of tea and some may not, but I’m certainly grateful for the ideas and insights.

If you are an experienced mama willing to be contacted for future mama chat installments, please leave a comment on this post and I’ll be in touch.

Today’s hot topic: Early Day Parenting Advice

What’s the best advice you can give new moms for their early days with baby, as well as something you wish you had been told before becoming a mom?

EW in the USA:

Early day advice:

• Take as many pictures of every inch of that sweet baby girl because she will grow daily and change daily! Get everything-each toe, wrinkle, hairline, etc! You won't believe how quick it all changes and the development continues.
• Sleep when the baby sleep or else you'll run yourself in the ground! Put a note on the front door that says you're sleeping/nursing and to leave a message! You'll be high on adrenaline for a few days but then it catches up with you.

Something I wish I had been told:

• Girls also like to pee in the fresh air! I thought that was just a boy thing-hence the invention of the peepee teepee! I can't believe how many diapers I go through-you barely get one on and then there's a blow out! Little babies can burp and pass wind like the best truckers!

LG in the UK:

Early day advice:

• Try and keep visitors to a minimum and ask everyone to call or text before arriving. Someone told me they kept their dressing gown by the front door and put it on before they answered it, if it was someone they didn't want to see or were too tired to entertain they would just pretend to have been asleep and ask them to come back later!
• If you feel like crying, cry! Don't think it means you're not coping, your body has just been through a massive change and your hormones are all over the place so let those emotions out!
• Don't be afraid to ask lots of questions about anything and everything, again it doesn't mean you're not coping or are a rubbish mum. I found it so helpful to speak to other mums who knew exactly how I was feeling and it was reassuring to know that they all felt as clueless as I did!!
• If you end up having stitches then my mum gave me some great advice which was to have a quick bath in the morning and before bed, this really helped to soothe the pain and they healed pretty quickly!
• Once you are discharged from midewife care (usually around day 10) they take your pregnancy notes with them and you can't see them again unless you request them from your GP and you have to pay for this privilege! It’s a good idea to photocopy them - a lot of mums have enjoyed reading their labour notes 6 months down the line as it gives them a whole new perspective on the whole event!

Something I wish I had been told:

• Don't think that you are supposed to know what to do just because your the baby's mum! I found it very frustrating that some midwives/health visitors could make mum's feel guilty that they weren't sure about what to do with their baby and made them feel like a failure! One of the most empowering moments for me was realising that I didn't always have to know what to do. As long as she was loved, fed and washed that was all that mattered!
• Don't put too much pressure on yourselves with regards to going out, and if you are brave enough to have a family trip out then I would add an hour to any planned meeting time. Although going out can seem like the scariest thing ever it is good to go out even if it is for a 5 min walk! Once you are out everything won't seem as scary and you will finally start to believe, maybe life will get easier!

Ho, Ho, Ho, Not Long to Go....

With Christmas only a week away and my due date only three, I’m buzzing on a nonalcoholic cocktail of festive spirit, hormones and excitement. I will forever be a sucker for the magic that is Christmas - a time to connect with and give something back to those that you love, heaped in our own special traditions. This year I’m thinking ahead to future Christmas’ with our little lady alongside considering ways to bring the festive season back to basics without breaking my bank. From Christmas dos to food stocking to present shopping, this time of year courts spending sprees that I just can’t afford as a lady of leisure on maternity pay, i.e. a tight budget.

In addition to my credit crunch busting/festivity bursting suggestions from last year, I have some fresh ideas on how to stay jolly on a budget this Christmas, partly inspired by my soon-to-be mommy status:

• Brush up on your Christmas Carols: Even if you sound like a dying cat (like I do), singing some Christmassy tunes should bring a smile to your face when you think of how you’ll soon be teaching the words to your little ones…Jingles Bells and Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer never seemed so appealing
• Go Martha Stewart and create DIY snowflakes and wreaths: These projects will cost you next to nothing, are green, festive and not too complex for little ones to help with. I’ll have some time before our little lady can lend a hand, but I need the practice. Stay green and cut snowflakes from paper from your recycling bin. Compost the green odds and ends you don’t use for your wreath. For a ton more Christmas crafty links, check out One Pretty Thing.
• Recycle your old Christmas cards for gift tags: Garish gift tags can sell for highway robbery and they’re just one more thing to buy – why not cut out the fronts of your Christmas cards post holiday and save them as your gift tags for the next year?
• When you’re shopping, shop smart: Sort your coupons, shop online through a cash back scheme like KidStart that allows you to save for your child’s future, join Parenting Clubs to cash in on holiday offers, shop second hand via Ebay, Nappy Valley and in charity shops, shop around…
• Introduce Secret Santa: If present shopping for extended family or a group of friends is getting too pricey, put everyone’s name in a hat and draw names for the one person you will buy for. Set a reasonable price limit and enjoy major savings.
• Fruit Cake Doesn’t Have to be Taboo: If you want to give a little back to someone that has been particularly helpful this year, don’t reach for your cash or your plastic. Perfect a holiday Christmas recipe and Voila!, you have a tasty, easy gift that can be made in batches. My mom makes apple raisin bread that has been receiving compliments for years. I used to help her with it as a child and now am making it myself today. Start the kids in the kitchen early I say!
• Invite friends over for a pot luck supper: I hear I won't have time to cook let alone shower during my early days with a newborn.  Even with young kids, putting together a dinner party sounds like it could be stressful.  Why not mix dinner parties up with pot luck meals where friends bring their own festive dishes.  You provide the venue, guests provide the culinary mix.  Result = fun night for all that doesn't require a hefty supermarket bill.
  
• Little one on the way?  Make sure you are aware of all the government "gifts" you are entitled to: I've previously posted about benefits for parents but a good overview those available in the UK can be found on Payments for Parents.
  
• Make decorating your tree a family tradition: Chris and I were really excited to put on Christmas CD, string our lights and adorn our 4 ft glory. We try to get one new ornament each year and keep track of where it’s from/why it’s special to us. Our trees tell a growing story over the years that we will share with and add to with our little one. It makes for quality family time and stirs up some great memories.
  

Though I’m hoping to keep our bun in the oven until 2010, the prospect of Christmas as a parent gives me a thrill and I’m struck by the responsibility we’ll have to create a jolly caroling, cookie eating, spirit of giving magic for our little lady that she can carry with her for always. I believed in Santa until later than I’d like to admit. I sang Christmas carols in my shrill little voice in medley formation with the gusto of Diana Ross (as my dad kindly reminds me through an audio clip – evidence – that I can’t hide even if I’d like to). I understand that Christmas is a time to give back to those I care about, not just receive, and that this can be done largely through custom, creativity and without buying up the high street.

"Honey, do you know why I have to flip onto all fours to roll over in bed...?"

Because I have a baby the weight of a honeydew inside my uterus, which is pressing up under my ribs and weighing me down! I'm all for the all fours position when it comes to shifting from side to side in bed.

So I'm 35 weeks pregnant.......5, 4, 3, 2, 1 week to go! I spoke last week about the final countdown being imminent. I feel that countdown has arrived.

I still feel pretty good but look like a house. I'm not overly pleased with this photo but Chris will go nuts if I keep asking him to "take the perfect shot" of me....these days, there IS NO perfect shot :)

Teresa Strasser's I Said a of Things post is fantastic.....although she swore she would be a vain, primped and put together mama who didn't resort to conversations on baby poop, her little boy is now 10 weeks old and she often finds herself milk stained, un-showered and craving motherhood banter and gems of advice. I think her wakeup call is insightful.

Chris and I often discuss how we want to integrate our little lady into OUR lives. We know "she will change our lives" and "things will never be the same;" unlike Teresa, I'm certain conversations about bedtime routines and poop and Baby Sensory will soon be our reality and that in the beginning, our routines and cleanliness will probably be uprooted. Yet, simultaneously, we also want to get out of the house on walks with our little girl; we want to drink fine wine with friends and talk about Obama, the Tiger Woods scandal, the World Cup.... We can't wait to be parents and we are committed to being fine ones, but we want to make time for ourselves, each other and our interests as well as baby focused chat. We're not totally sure how this approach will play out in reality, but we hope to lay the ground for this new life balance from the start of our parenting lives....

On that note, I'm in the process of building a new website, which will soon host this blog along with some of my other parenting writing projects and featured articles from other pregnant and mum writers! This site will also embody Chris and my ethos of embracing parenthood and simultaneously keeping our own identities. Watch this space for when it goes live!

Fruit Photo Credit: Babycenter.com

Here's the Rub....

I'm 32 weeks pregnant! Wow - only two months to go now (hopefully, provided that she is not running late....). Though I've been charting each week of this journey the imminence of birth hit me today like a brick wall. That sounds bad, but I don't mean it in a negative way. While in the shower I was suddenly enraptured by my swelling tummy and the little person that it holds....a little scared that I still feel I have so much to learn and discover, much of which I probably can't plan for, planner that I am....shocked that it's really truly soon to be three of us day in day out. I can't wait, I am ready and I'm sure Chris and I will be fine. But in this moment the mix of emotions was a bit overwhelming....I lathered my belly and took a deep breath.

My brick wall moment may have spurred me to start reading my Secrets of the Baby Whisperer book by Tracy Hogg. I've heard she is structured and loving but less hard core than Gina Ford who many new parents swear by for routine making. I've only read the first chapter, but her tone and style are conversational and easy to relate to. More on that once I've read more.

I've also started wondering a bit more on random parenting logistics like when babies can sleep through the night without a feed every 2-4 hours and the best way to clean up messy poop - muslin in warm water, cotton wool...and if so which type of cotton wool? (No, I haven't totally lost it!)  I think I'm going to avoid wipes for cost saving and baby skin sensitivity issues but I really don't know what is best.... Like I've said before I'm sure we'll pave our way and find routines and practices that work for us, however, in the absence of really knowing what's best, I'm very open to ideas from experienced moms. Then at least I'll have some starting points to consider and pick and choose from. My wonderings may seem small and ridiculous (they do to me at least) but put them all together and they can be a bit overwhelming too.  Chris says I need to chill and just take things one step at a time.  I know it - sometimes I just get on a roll - I'll blame those raging hormones!

Our lady is now the size of a jicama and is moving around constantly in my belly. She may have less room to stretch out but boy can she wriggle - particularly at night! I just read on Babycenter that it's theorized babies have more control over their movement when their mom's are still at night, thus they take advantage of it! This is no proven theory but I found the reasoning interesting so thought I'd share.

Last but not least, my other odd pregnancy "rub" of the week. Yesterday the crease where my bump meets pelvic area kept really itching. I haven't had issues with itching or dryness but hey, new week, new little ailment. I think the problem may have been exacerbated by my jeans, which hitched to that area via my bump band and subsequently caused my underwear to dig into the crease! Why wear the jeans you ask? Maybe I should have changed but I didn't feel like it....anyway, I found that rubbing a little bit of Vaseline in the crease soothed the itch and kept any irritation at bay. A little tip to try if you're ever caught out with the "bump crease rub!"

Fruit Photo Credit: Babycenter.com

Parenting Trials - Prepare to be Judged

As promised here are my 30 week pictures - a close up of bump and shot of T&D and me during our weekend explorations.  T&D live in Holland and T tells me that home birth is very common and accepted there.  Following my research into the differing views on home birth in the US and UK, I was interested to hear of another Western country that champions home birth.  T, if you have any more information to share on this point please add a comment!

I was interested to read Kate Harding of Salon.com's comments on this story about a mother who was booted off a Southwest Airlines internal US flight with her 2-year-old because he wouldn't stop shouting "Go, plane go!" and "I want Daddy!"  Looking at and beyond this specific incident, Kate both suggests that parents have a responsibility to act like adults and proactively encourage appropriate behavior from their children in public BUT that sometimes even parents' best efforts are in vain and in those instances the greater public needs to understand and accept that kids are kids who can't always be reasoned into socially "correct" behavior.

I initially read this story because Chris and my transatlantic life is going to involve frequent plane travel and I'm anticipating needing to develop a bag of tricks for soothing an infant, then toddler then child when we take to the skies.  We are aware that confined spaces at 30,000 ft and screaming children are not an ideal combination, and I'm sure we'll do our best to make our journeys smooth for our family and our fellow passengers.  From this story's headline, Southwest's actions seemed pretty harsh at first glance; but then again, I wonder how much this mother did to soothe her little screamer?....

Little children attract attention, for themselves and for their parents.  They often can't be reasoned with and don't conform to social norms so I'm prepared to become less inconspicuous as a parent than I am now (or than I was before passers by started clocking my pregnant belly).  I don't know how I'll deal with this but I expect I probably won't have time, energy or the focus to really care, but I do agree with Kate in that parents need to be adults and encourage decent behavior from their kids.  If my little one is screaming in the middle of a supermarket and I'm more concerned with what brand of oatmeal to buy than quieting her, I will probably deserve dirty looks.  In fact, I'm sure I've dished out those same looks to women who ignore their crying kids and barge through crowded train stations running over people with their weapons, aka strollers!  But on the other side of the coin, if parents are genuinely trying to soothe their tantrum-throwing mite in the corner of a restaurant, I think fellow customers should cut them some slack.

As at parent every day is going to be a journey and trial, at home and in the public eye.  Chris and I are gearing up to enter an arena where everything from vaccinations to bathing to blankets to transatlantic travel will be debated and often judged, and we're just going to have to get on with it through all this white noise.  Having said that, I do feel it's important that parents act like parents and set some boundaries for their little ones whether at home or out in public.  As long as we are trying, hopefully others will recognize that and not be too harsh in their judgements!

Up to My Eyes in Hormones

Rightly or wrongly, women are often accused of being overly hormonal, particularly at that certain time of the month.  I don't think that I usually suffer from any serious PMS symptoms but now that I'm pregnant, I'm constantly reminded that the influx of hormones raging through my body may turn me into a weeping, wacky wild woman or a clumsy oaf with heartburn, stretch marks and varicose veins.

Please join me in knocking HARD on wood that I haven't yet fallen victim to these unfortunate "badges of pregnancy" aside from my dear, occasional moments of madness.  Saying that, last weekend my right eye was really bothering me.  It wasn't red, swollen, bloodshot or giving me double vision but just prone to random bouts of sensitivity where it would suddenly burn and then spontaneously start to tear.  I didn't know what the deal was and ironically didn't even consider that this new ailment could be linked to those fateful pregnancy hormones until I stumbled upon dry eye syndrome in my pregnancy newsletter.  My sporadic tearing had ceased by then - it stopped as suddenly as it started - but it looks like those pregnancy hormones were yet again making themselves known.

I'm now 30 weeks pregnant and our daughter is the size of a cabbage, weighing in at about 3 pounds!  It's hard for me to imagine that I now have a real, nearly developed baby in my belly and that in about 10 weeks she'll arrive here with us.  This may be what we've been working towards and waiting for but it's still mind boggling all the same.  Chris and I still have plenty prepare and take on board during this home stretch but ultimately we are ready and know the real learning will begin when she is here with us.  I'm excited!

Our great friends T&D just spent the weekend with us and it's been a fabulous, relaxed couple of days.  I will share 30 week pictures tomorrow.

Fruit Photo Credit: Babycenter.com

Traveled, Troubled but Triumphant!!

Sorry for my silence – I fell off the blogging bandwagon a bit while in New York.

Last time I wrote I was fighting a nasty cold and sore throat. Following that posting I started to feel a lot better, though I did and still continue to battle with a scratchy almost laryngitis-like voice. It’s been far from the end of the world, but still extremely frustrating for me not to be able to talk freely, particularly when with family and friends that I don’t see all that often.

But anyway – the rest of my week was fantastic but flew by, as usual, too fast. I ventured out of the house for the first time on Wednesday for some retail therapy with mom for baby and me. Chris flew into NY on Thursday, and we got to spend some quality down time with my parents and sister. My friends from school and I had our traditional pre-wedding girls night out and then came the K&S’s rehearsal dinner and wedding! Everything came off really well and I even managed to eek out my wedding toast to K&S with the help of a powerful mic and large glass of water. I was also proud to dance the night away and make it through the whole reception in my 3-4 inch heels! After a week of much R&R, I really wanted to let loose though I was mindful not to talk too much or to overdo it as regularly reminded by my mom and Chris. Then, on the day we flew back to London, my friends surprised me with a baby shower lunch – thanks ladies, it was amazing!!

I’m sharing some 28 week pictures from the wedding and baby shower since I never quite got it together and posted a 27 week pic. Our little lady is now the size of a Chinese cabbage – a cabbage with little baby eyelashes - and I’ve read that I can expect to grow about a pound/week from forward as she fattens up and fills out before she makes her January appearance.

My bump isn’t feeling too burdensome but just prominent and I’m getting kicked and walloped left, right and center. In many ways this is really exciting and a huge relief, but at times while I’ve been feeling less than 100% and post plane when I felt exhausted, I wished she would chill out a little and take a nap. Then again, if she takes after me sleep will not be her forte! Still, the prospect of carrying another pound/week is a little daunting. Today I told Chris I felt like I had a snake in my stomach and he said I shouldn’t refer to our daughter as snake!

My cold and husky voice run have given me renewed appreciation that I’ve had a relatively issue free pregnancy thus far. In the wake of my postings about Blooming Fit and staying active, it’s also made me realize that I need to slow down and chill out a little if I’m not feeling up to scratch. It seems logical but my pregnant mind and active persona don’t always “do” logic. Sometimes I need these reality checks.

Truth be told, I felt nervous getting back on another “germ infested” plane to London after feeling ill post plane journey to NY, but I didn’t have a choice. Aside from feeling pretty warm throughout the flight, I fortunately made it through this journey feeling no worse for wear. I followed the same tips I received on the trip to the US, sans wearing the flight socks which I’d found really hot and uncomfortable on the trip out. I also drank two rounds of hot water, one with lemon. Aside from being soothing, hot drinks also apparently are medicinal in that they “sterilize” your throat and wash germs down into your stomach where they can’t survive – my mom read me a really useful article on this so I wanted to share the tip in case you or anyone you know is flying in the midst of winter flu season – mom, if you read this, can you post that article link as a comment please?

So last trimester – here I am! Bump is blooming, labor is looming and parenthood is less than 3 months around the corner – eek! As alluded to, I’ve been so tuned into pregnancy that I haven’t given great thought to how I’m going to morph from pregnant girl to mom pretty much overnight.

There is a lot to learn and there are a lot of opinions. For example, I arrived back to read this Times article on cot death being a risk by parents that co-sleep with their infants. Now I’d never imagine going to bed drunk with my baby but what if you’re breastfeeding and doze off together?…..and what about all the babies that die of cot death from being in their actual cots?…..and are blankets and sheets really a no go and baby sleeping bags the safer option or is it worth having both?!

I think I better stop this stream of consciousness before this posting gets any longer or I overwhelm myself. I just want to be a safe parent and I want to informed but I don’t want to be a pawn to scare stories….

Ultimately, I’m all about knowledge being power and I want to make educated decisions. Still, I suspect a lot parenting know-how is going to come through actual experience, exchanging wisdoms with fellow parents, trial and error, informed judgement calls and fingers crossed, ahem ahem, Chris and my natural instinct….!

Now, goodnight!

Fruit Photo Credit: Babycenter.com

Childcare Kerfuffle

Ofsted (UK education and children’s services regulator) whipped up a frenzy this morning when it accused two police officers of acting illegally for babysitting each other’s children. The two “criminals” in question work one full-time role through job-share and babysit each other’s children when the other is working. Ofsted says the women should legally be registered as childminders (who pay an annual fee to Ofsted and must complete training) as their arrangement lasts for longer than 2 hours a day and results in each woman receiving “a reward,” i.e. free child care.

Is it just me or does this over-literal interpretation of the law defy logic and wreak of the nanny state run wild? Costs of child care are astronomical, around £40-50/day for a nursery and £4-5.50/hour for childminders in my area, and if you are fortunate enough to be able to make a mutually advantageous reciprocal babysitting arrangement with a trusted friend and colleague, why shouldn’t you be able to?

Good on Ofsted for taking its responsibility to regulate UK childcare for kids under 8 seriously but rulings like this open up a regulatory can of worms that is difficult to enforce, aggravates the masses and increases inconvenience and financial pressure for the parents in question.

Sure, unregistered friends who also act as babysitters may not have the same first aid qualifications, insurances, etc in place that a childminder will, but its unlikely that close relatives (who do not have to register as childminders for providing similar babysitting services) do. This is a risk that working parents take when arranging their child care and the litigious issues that may arise as a result are, in my opinion, outside of Ofsted’s remit. Its attempt to class childcare as a “reward” in lieu of payment looks like a feeble attempt to drive up its membership fees. Plus, in the wake of Baby P and social services scrutiny, such a ruling only serves to divert its attention into yet another area that doesn’t warrant it’s time and energy.