Friday Faux Pas

Today LLC and I were in the park where we last year encountered this howler, but this time the only faux pas on the scene was me.

The children’s play area was nearly empty (hurrah) when we arrived, with only one other mother pushing her two children on the swings. Of course LLC also wanted to ride the swings. This was no issue as this playground has several swings, so over we went and off went LLC, swinging happily away.

And here’s where I made my cardinal error. I attempted to make eye contact and friendly small talk with this other mother on the playground. We were standing directly next to each other. LLC was craning her neck directly towards her two children watching them swing. I didn’t want to exchange life stories, but in the rare relative quiet of the playground it just felt strange to me not to share some basic pleasantries or at least a sympathetic glance with this other woman. Grudgingly she offered me a few words in return but I can take a hint and clammed up pretty quickly.

This is not the first time I’ve had something like this happen to me in England. Is there a small talk line here in the UK that I really shouldn’t cross, although the ‘American’ in me feels compelled to do so? Was she affronted that we also chose the swings near her brood, when faced with an empty rest of playground?  Of course this mother's reticent stance was surely only exacerbated when she heard my accent and probably feared a verbal assault of “Oh my Gods.”  

 Is it that bad to be friendly?

Pop Culture Crash Course All Over Again

The first several months I spent in London I lived with fellow Americans studying abroad through our US University.  Then the term ended, everyone returned to the States and I was still here, gradated, moving in with Chris, getting ready to give British life a go.

What struck me in these early expat days of adjustment, more than anything, was the vast abyss of British pop culture that never got exported to the States, that I'd never engaged with before.  It created a void in my ability to contribute to conversations, I often found myself asking, "Who's that," and I'm sure I wasn't a popular team-member for the UK version of Trivial Pursuit. 

It took time but as I read the news and my friendships grew and England became another home for me, I learned about Porridge, the Manic Street Preachers, David Jason, Noel Edmonds, Jordan, Alan Hansen, Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall .... I'm not fully up to speed and won't know who the presenters of Blue Peter in the 1980s were but still.  I didn't feel in the dark anymore.

But now as a mother, I'm on a crash course all over again.  Roly Poly - say what?  Who is the Grand Old Duke of York?  One, two, three, four, five....and something about a fish?  And 'The Gruffalo' - how fantastic, once I learned what he was!  No I didn't grow up with Postman Pat.  Is he a cat, oh no wait, he has cat?  I'm more used to The Farmer in the Dell and 'Where the Wild Things Are'.

Lucky LLC - she's going to benefit from children's ditties and books from both England and the USA.  There are so many great ones.

Witching Hour & Afternoon Tea; It's all a day in the life of LLC

While Halloween festivity seems to be on the rise here, it's certainly all the rage in my native US of States.  I remember some of my early costumes fondly, particularly a bunny suit that matched my dear Floppy-eared Rabbit.  Now that LLC is on the scene I wanted to get in the spooky spirit: Chris carved a pumpkin into a Jack-O-Lantern, we hung strands of black bats in our window and LLC and I dressed as matching witches to great our trick-or-treaters....of which there was one.   One solitary trick-or-treater.  All my visions of our cackling selves greeting candy-mad children at the door were shattered but we still had a pretty good time making spooky faces at Chris.  Did I say we?  I'm not sure what LLC would have to say about that but she seemed to enjoy my antics..... really, she did.

As if the little lady had not had enough excitement for one week, on Tuesday we joined Huggies and the other Huggies Mums for afternoon tea at The Dorchester in London.   While we chatted about our kids, the Huggies Bundle of Laughs comedy channel and life in general over tasty sandwiches and cakes, LLC scoffed a cucumber sandwich and then enjoyed many cuddles from the Huggies girls and Young Mummy, who didn't even get cross when she knocked her glasses or phone onto the floor.  I'd never been to tea at Dorchester before and fear I may be instilling expensive tastes in LLC from a tender age!

It's been a busy past week in the life of this 9 month-old!

Space!

Space in the UK comes at a premium. I learned this when I first moved to England as a student where I shared one modest wardrobe with my flatmate in our central London University accommodation. Eight years later, I’m used to having less space than I did in the United States, but at times I still really miss it.

I’d appreciate more space on the road, so I don’t have to pull in between parked cars every five minutes to accommodate oncoming traffic. I long for space in my yard/garden to throw a Frisbee without knowing it will end up over my neighbor’s fence. And lately, I crave more space in our house to accommodate our growing family.

It would be nice for LLC to have more room to crawl around. It would be a relief not to have to dry my laundry on racks in our living room (that LLC tries to knock over) now that nothing seems to dry outside. I would enjoy not having to deploy the thought and precision of a military operation in order to get a second stroller through our front door when friends visit. We could definitely do with increased storage space with our influx of baby paraphernalia.

On that last point, at least we are limited in the big, bulky plastic baby toys that we can bring through our door, which isn’t a bad thing.

I like our house and we have no immediate plans to move. We’re committed to some creative interior scheming and we’re getting there. Chris has converted an old airing cupboard and dead end hallway in our house into closets with shelving. We’ve rearranged furniture and mounted our TV on our living room wall. We’ve begun a full on romance with Ikea storage solutions….

Ah, things you take for granted. Please don’t think me greedy, I’m just having a Sunday night moan!

Mum's not the Word - Call me Mommy!

I have lived in England for almost eight years. I embrace and use British English in my daily life but I don’t have a British accent.

I’m not one of those Americans that attempt to affect a British accent, but instead sound scary and frankly ridiculous. I’m also not naturally susceptible to accents. Yes, my intonation has changed and I say isn’t it and doesn’t it rather than ask a question outright (this used to annoy me but I’ve succumbed!) but all in all the sound of my voice is still pretty much intact with my American roots.

I’m happy about this. I see my voice as one of my key identifying factors. My accent represents the American at my core and I don’t want to let that go.

I’ve always viewed British English as another matter. I live in England and want to fit in. In my daily life, say pavement, not sidewalk; bin, not garbage; rubber; not eraser; hob not burner. I also love British slang – strop, leary, cheers, gutted, slapper, chuffed, manky, broody….what great, colorful words and at such a wider variety than their American equivalents.

Conversely, when I’m in the States or talking to Americans I revert to American English. (That’s why this blog is a splattering of British and American English.) I naturally adjust my vocab depending on my audience. This may sound bizarre but it works for me and usually, but not always, avoids people from both sides of the pond commenting on my use of language.

LLC on the other hand, will sound British. She was born in England after all and I’m certain her voice will be a product of her surroundings and I think this is only right. When she does start to speak, however, I’ll just have one request: I want to be a mommy and a mom, not a mummy and a mum. British English I do embrace but like my voice, I identify being a mother with my own roots and want to be a mommy to LLC as my mom was a mommy to me. I wonder what LLC will have to say about this when she actually starts to speak?!

It's a Small World after all....

This week’s Sticky Fingers Gallery explores the world we live in. I hope our “transatlantic life” will give LLC perspective on the richness of the world, its relative norms and limitless opportunities.

In the trunk of the car
We played
That was enough
My world knew no bounds
My experience contained it

Years later
One ocean away
Two worlds apart
New York City, Dorset sea
Meet in my head, my heart

I now know a big world
With age
From living
I have two homes
Life makes both tangible

Innocence was easy
Experience is not always
Though I’d never trade it
And when I look in the night sky I remember
It’s a small world after all

I’m Off to see the Midwife, the Wonderful Midwife of Oz….

Okay, it’s not the Wonderful Midwife of Oz….it’s my Wonderful Midwife of London who I’m hoping will tell me the little lady is nicely engaged and will be making her out of womb appearance shortly!

I’m 39 weeks pregnant. I’m starting to feel more uncomfortable. I feel like a beached whale in bed – it really is easier to turn over by flipping on all fours instead of hauling the weight of my body from side to side. I have a sketchy stomach, possibly a sign that things may kick off soon though this could be wishful thinking on my part.

I’m also getting lots of pressure down below, though the baby is still managing to kickbox like a prize fighter under my bust line. Chris and I have taken to watching my belly ripple in waves on a daily basis. I guess she feels cramped too.

Here’s my week 39 picture, taken in the last moments of 2009 before bed. We stayed up for the strike of midnight but we were in bed, worn out by but a game of scrabble.

So I’m hoping Midwife L, who has been extremely supportive to me throughout my pregnancy and who I haven't seen for two weeks (in the US by this stage I'd be having weekly checkups but here in the UK they are bi-weekly) may be able to offer some words of solace and confirmation of progress. Keep your fingers crossed please.

Party Like It's 2009!

Par-tay! Yup, that what Chris and I are doing this New Year’s Eve 2009. Scene of the crime: our living room. Life and soul of the party: Chris post a half day in the office, big blooming me, Rico the cat purring and bump kicking....along with board games, a yummy Mexican dinner and some bubbly. A random mix for a random lady.

Yes, it is the close of 2009 and yes, our celebrations fall nicely in line with our imminent life chapter where New Year’s celebrations are likely to be toned down at notch or two. In all honesty, I’m one of those who sees New Year’s fiestas as often over-rated and overly expensive. I think even our local pub has a cover charge. Whenever too much expectation is placed on one night it often doesn’t live up in reality. Some of our best New Year celebrations have been at home with friends, something that shouldn’t be too tough to integrate babies into.

I started 2009 with my usual “Goals for 20xx” list. I think I had about 20 items on my list. You know I tend to go overboard with the damn lists. Well, I’m not going to bore you with the details of my to do’s aside from to say on the whole, it’s been a pretty productive and life changing year. We have our little lady on the way and I began writing again, a latent passion that I’m pleased has been galvanized by this new pregnancy/parenting phase of my life. Ticking those two items off gives me great satisfaction and a sense of accomplishment.

As two become three, (or four counting little Rico), 2010 promises to be all the more life changing, exciting, challenging and hopefully productive. I feel I have so much more to learn and that I want to achieve in this new life chapter that I better keep my 2010 Goals List short and sweet or it may run a million miles long.
Three major things I’d like to achieve are:

• Have our baby! This is on the cards, and although women may be built as baby making machines, to actually do the deed will be my biggest feat to date. I hope we are able to have our home birth as planned, but ultimately all we want is our little lady, safe and sound.
• Find our new life balance with baby while maintaining our own independence as individuals and a couple, something of a life ethos for Chris and me and a running theme through my blog and soon to be website. 
  
• Launch my new website, which will feature my blog (a journey of my transition to parenthood and chronicle of pregnancy and parenting advice/news/etc from both sides of the pond), a sharp & topical weekly advice bulletin from other pregnant and parent writers (an expansion of mama chat) with real advice to share and a forum for my freelance parenting writing projects. This launch is on the cards for January 2010 once I overcome a few technology hurdles so watch this space! Parent blogging is such a hot commodity on both sides of the pond that my mission often seems daunting but I’m dedicated and hope you enjoy the read. Three social networks I’ve recently joined but can tell will prove invaluable to my blogging journey are the British Mummy Bloggers, Mom Bloggers Club and My Best Birth, where there are countless impressive, creative and real mama bloggers that generously share wisdoms and knowledge about their lives, their birth experience and making headway in the black hole of parent blogging. If you are also an aspiring mama blogger definitely check them out.

Now I better re-join Chris in the living room after this frenzied "close of 09" post! Happy New Year!

Pregnancy Courts Debate

Pregnancy is smitten by debate. Pregnancy is a sucker for debate. Pregnancy just can’t get enough of debate.

And that’s usually okay with me, for as pregnancy courts debate I am encouraged to think laterally and broaden my perspective. Only occasionally when the debate in question concerns copious baby retail options (i.e. what are the relative merits of baby mattress types?....gag me and fast!) or the sweeping scythe of the nanny state do I want to bang my head against a wall and renounce all deliberation as painful and/or confusing and/or insane.

Today debate was so “hot to trot” that pregnancy managed to finagle two dates. I’d like to share the details and my take:

Debate #1: A Council in Wales hands out pink badges to heavily pregnant ladies so they can bag favourable parking spaces. An online news blogger decries this as yet another policy that will be abused. 

My father-in-law brought my attention this afternoon’s BBC Radio 2 report. I can’t find anything in print on this story, so please let me know if you can. Without more information it’s hard to pass judgement, but my gut instinct is that walking an extra 50 extra feet might do a pregnant woman good. Badges like this most likely would be abused unless monitored, which I don’t see as the best use of Council resources.

Debate #2: Are Doula’s “helping hands or stepping on toes?” The BBC today reports anaesthetist Dr Abhijoy Chakladar’s view that the increasing trend of women hiring doulas (birth assistants that offer emotional support before, during labour and postnatally) is a side effect of lapses in midwifery care that often hinders clinical decisions by disturbing the relationship between the mother and medical team.
 
I beg your pardon? My understanding is that doulas offer mothers and their birthing partners emotional support and encouragement in preparation for and through birth, as well as during the early days of parenthood. Doulas are not medically trained and unlike midwives, are not responsible for the physical care of the woman through her birth. While it’s important that doulas don’t overstep this boundary (and perhaps some do), to suggest that their presence upsets the clinical side of birth wreaks of practitioner speak to me! Many women hire doulas to develop firm emotional support and coping strategies that help them approach labor as naturally as possible and don’t want a clinical birth. Doulas should not be berated for helping women participate actively in their birthing experience - having said that, should medical care be needed, it is not their place to argue with practitioners but to support their client through whatever shape the birthing experience takes.

It's Raining Baby...

Yes, it's been raining baby - baby quizzes, bunt cakes, homemade cupcakes that look like Magnolia Bakery professional creations, advice cards, grandma's meatballs, pin the pacifier challenges, sandwiches with the crusts cut off, fine family & friends, wise words........so naturally, I had to take a shower. A Baby Shower. That's what dear N&J organized for me this weekend, and I had a blast!

Thanks guys, and to and everyone that came out to celebrate and talk babies. I'm lucky to have such awesome family and friends on both sides of the pond that have showered me in such fine baby glory.

I didn't think I'd have Baby Shower in the UK since it's more of an American tradition. Though the trend may be starting to take root, it's not firmly established. Fellow American UK residents, N&J suggested we bring our custom to London and they put together a fabulous afternoon for baby and me that mixed traditional US-style baby games with UK-style afternoon tea at my house and lots of baby chat and amusing, comforting words.

Following my brick wall moment of madness last week, this little party had the big effect of firmly pulling me out of my vortex of "what ifs and how’s for when baby arrives" and reminding me that I'm soon due for an amazing, challenging and exciting adventure that should be enjoyed and celebrated. Yes, it will be tough. Yes, we have a lot to learn but we're up for the learning curve and on the right track. Plus, we have a great support network and for that I'm really grateful.

To me, the true ethos of a Baby Shower is to "send off" mamas-to-be into the fray of motherhood with a dose of reassurance and love for the journey. I hope to return the favor some day as more friends take the plunge towards parenthood and think this is one US tradition that the UK should make some space for.

I'll add some 32 week pictures from the Shower to this post imminently. Also coming soon, some wise words of advice from a couple of my mama friends who are "there doing that", which gave me food for thought and further comfort!

Should I get the Swine Flu Vaccination?

Yesterday my doctor's surgery called to offer me the swine flu vaccination.  The UK's swine flu vaccination program began on October 21 and apparently here in London, high riskers such as my pregnant self were being offered time slots for the H1N1 shot.

I told the lady from the doctor's office that I'd have to call her back since I'm not sure that I want the vaccination.  Please don't raise your eyebrows at me - I'm really not sure if I do.

I don't want to court controversy for the sake of it, but this is a new vaccine that is still currently being tested.  I'm not one for pill popping at the best of times and I reserve vaccination and medicine taking for when I genuinely need it.  I've never had the seasonal flu shot, which is offered more routinely to young adults in the USA but not in the UK.   (Quick side note - here is an excellent link on comparing common cold versus flu symptoms - thank you Mama E).

The UK NHS and US CDC both suggest that no dangerous, ill effects are expected from the H1N1 vaccine. Similar flu vaccines for H5N1 have come across as safe in clinical trials, and these "official, expert" sites quote that changing the strain of a virus in a seasonal flu vaccine does not substantially affect the safety of the vaccines.  But isn't it more than slightly worrying that the US has apparently granted legal immunity to H1N1 vaccine makers?

Pill popping I am not, but anti-vaccine I'm not either.  I had all the routine vaccinations growing up and I've had sporadic top-ups as and when needed for travel without giving these vaccinations a second thought.  If I delved deeper would I find lots of potentially devious chemicals in these vaccinations?  Probably.  Am I fine?  Yes.  Do I even want to venture into the black hole arena of pharmaceuticals and drugs?  No!  Yet I'm conflicted because this is a new vaccine, and conscious that I'm not just acting for me anymore.

From what I can see there are two potential concerns about the H1N1 vaccine.  First issue, the mercury preservative thiomersal or thimerosal as its referred to in the USA, which has been found to be dangerous when taken in high doses.  Secondly, adjuvants, or agents added to a vaccine to make it more effective. The CDC reports that all flu shots, including H1N1, currently distributed are adjuvant free and that there are some thimerosal-free shots available.  Worryingly, the UK vaccine, Pandemrix, appears to contain both thiomersal and adjuvants according to this link that I got via the NHS online.

So what should I do - get the vaccine in the name of protecting myself and baby from H1N1 or stay vigilant and take preventative measures such washing my hands, keeping my hands off my face, gargling with warm salty water, cleaning my nose with warm salty water and drinking hot liquids that wash proliferating viruses in the throat to the stomach where they die?

Published on Blog Her

What to Pack Should Be the Least of My Concerns

I've got a little over 9 weeks to go until DD-Day.  Earlier today I started pondering what should be included in and when I should pack my infamous hospital bag.  Yes, I'm still planning a home birth, but packing a hospital bag is like a right of passage for pregnant women.  Even if you plan for a home birth, a hospital bag should still be at the ready just in case.  It's an acknowledgement that your baby is almost in town.  It's a sanity guard for when you're in the heat of labor and need to bust a move for the hospital.

I felt a little bizarre thinking about my hospital bag this early but it's my first time, I have pregnancy on the brain and I want to be prepared. 

Fast forward two hours and I was standing in Boots (aka CVS) grimacing over an aisle of pads and adult diapers.  I saw some Depends but I'm pretty sure that's not what I'm after.....I'm certain that they make specific maternity pads for after the birth, right?  If anyone has any advice here please share.  All the diapers and pads started to blur and then I lost the will, quickly exiting Boots and rolling my eyes that maternity pad shopping is now on my radar.

When I travel Chris usually audits my suitcase to stop me bringing too many things.  He says I like to take my clothes on vacation.  I'm not a fussy dresser, I just like options and tend to be indecisive.  That doesn't bode well for packing a maternity bag that I probably, hopefully, may not need.  Was this going to get stressful?

No!  Leave it to me to create unnecessary stress.  I'm going to stay strong; there are lots of check lists (yay, lists!) out there about what to include in hospital bags and on my walk home from Boots I promised myself that I'm going to take a minimalist approach....I'll tell you how I get on once I actually pack the bag.  Aside from working out where I can get some maternity pads and finding out what the heck arnica actually is, I have most of the things I need and ample time to get organized.

I've also stumbled across a not-so-surprising US/UK difference in hospital bag advice: In the USA diapers and maternity pads are usually provided; in the UK they are not and need to be packed (ahh, the differences of private, pricey healthcare versus NHS no frills).

Aside from the usual suspect advice and items to bring for mama, baby and birthing partner included on most hospital bag lists, here are a few other gems that I've heard.  If you have any other tips, please add a comment!

• Pack 2 small bags - one for labor and one for your hospital stay - this may help you stay better organized
• Remember to pack your glasses; even if you wear contacts, you may not want to wear them through labor
• Pack a pair of flip flops for the shower; if you're a clean freak like me who wears flip flops to the gym pool, this advice was a real winner!
• Bring along some baby wipes or cotton wool for changing your baby; these are not provided by the NHS
• Pack baby nail clippers or an emery board in case your little one has long nails that need trimming
• Pack your Baby Book to jot down all your baby's birth information

Let's Talk Therapy

Running late, Chris and I stumble into a cozy living room full of unfamiliar faces. The lighting is soft and comforting and there are cookies on the table. The atmosphere isn’t quite strained but not entirely comfortable either. There is an expectant vibe in the air.

We take our places on the sofa with a sheepish smile and an apology. Smiles and nods abound. Have we been transported into a comedy sitcom? No. Have we arrived for a group therapy session? No again. We’re attending the monthly NCT home birth talk in our area.

By now you probably know I’m interested in exploring home birth and I learned about this class from my area NCT bulletin board. Hosted by a woman who has had 1) a planned home birth that transferred to the hospital, 2) home birth and 3) planned hospital birth, it promised to be an informative and open forum from someone who has been there done that.

I’ve swayed back and forth on the merits of home birth, my main concern being that something may not go to plan that could harm our baby. This has been a major sticking point for Chris, who wasn’t at all convinced by this potential plan. I also had the impression that women often consider home birth for later pregnancies once they have a better understanding of how they will cope in labor and birth. So the pendulum swings between reservations and opportunity, though recently I am moving in favour of going for it. Once got over the somehow amusing shock that we were sitting in a session such as this, we both came away feeling encouraged about home birth for the following reasons:

• UK hospital midwives may care for up to 5 women simultaneously; at home birth you have one dedicated midwife who monitors you throughout established labor
• Hospital transfers can be quickly arranged for any home birth not proceeding as planned; in fact, because of your one to one supervision at home it’s more likely that a midwife will identify any issues “sooner” than she might in the hospital
• If being at home makes you feel more relaxed and at ease, this is likely to speed up and progress your labor, all in the interest and health of the baby
• If more relaxed, there is less chance you will need medical interventions during birth; if you do, the midwife is able to perform an episiotomy, use forceps and give you an injection to deliver the placenta at home
• Home birth is conducive to natural forms of pain relief: TENS, water birth, upright positions and gas and air (no epidurals)
• If you decide you can't cope with labor at home, a hospital transfer can be immediately arranged
• At home your husband/partner may feel less of a spare wheel and better able to get involved by virtue of it being your own home
• After birth there is no risk that your husband/partner will be dismissed from the post-natal hospital ward because it’s outside visiting hours
• Should any sudden, horrible, unfortunate incident occur, it is just as likely to happen in the hospital

Some of these points may be more specific to my area (i.e. we live 10 minutes from the hospital so if we needed a sudden transfer it could easily be arranged; home birth is an available birthing route through the NHS in my area so admin arrangements with the local hospital should a transfer to hospital be needed aren't a complicated issue as could be the case if using a private midwife; there are not the same insurance issues you may run into in the USA where home birth isn't always covered by insurance) but they are all food for thought if you think home birth may float your boat.  I'm not saying it's the way forward for all, but it may just be for me.

Loving the List; Drowning in the Detail; Reconnecting with Reality

This week I've been on a quest to get organized and attend to some baby admin. I keep saying I want to gradually get the ball rolling with making baby purchases, arranging refurbishments at home and sorting out admin like my Health in Pregnancy Grant and official MAT B1 notice at work. Armed with my handy, dandy but lengthy list, my quest for progress began.

Things started on a high note. At my midwife appointment last Friday the nice midwife agreed to pass on my Health in Pregnancy Grant form at our next appointment since I'll then be over 25 weeks pregnant. This one-off, £190 tax-free payment is a "gift" from the Government to help mom's to be with the costs of preparing for a baby. She also gave me my MAT B1 form, which I've now submitted to HR at work in order claim my statutory maternity pay. Statutory UK maternity leave and pay policies for working moms are much more extensive than the narrow and limited American maternity support policies available. In fact, earlier this week the BBC ran a quickie article on a new proposed policy for extending paternity leave, another testament to the flexible support options available in the UK. Catch up USA - for all the talk we ladies receive about education, pursuing our dreams and equality of opportunity, the Government doesn't make it an easy ride for professional moms that want to start a family.

But I digress. I put a big fat CHECK next to "Health in Pregnancy Grant" and "Submit MAT B1 form" on my list.

Next I called the window people, who quoted us earlier this year to redo 3 single glazed windows in our house. This is a necessary job before baby arrives being that last winter our thin windows grew a beautiful green/brown mold and our window sills developed pools of condensation that regularly soaked through hand towels. Yes, we need new windows. Anyway, this company provided a good quote earlier this year so I told the window man I wanted the same price or better, and that we were expecting our first baby and would be getting the job done by his company at the right price, or someone else. So I secured a date for new windows, and a good deal. CHECK next to "Book in window guys!"

Then things took a turn for the worse as the inevitably do when I start to delve into the pits of baby retail therapy. The next items on my ambitious list included "see if bugaboo carrycot fits other Moses Basket stands," "look for a mattress and bedding to fit cot/bed," "look into breast pumps and associated paraphernalia," "decide what items to buy on trip to USA....." and so on. I should have anticipated this would be too wide a net to cast all at once because before I knew it, I was tangled in information overload and struggling to make sense of the myriad of options in all of the above departments. It made me tired and it made my head hurt. There are just so many options when all I want is a simple check list of "what's I NEED and what's the BEST to buy." Forget different strokes for different folks - I want a manual to baby shopping enlightenment!

.....Advent, Madela, electric, manual, cheap, pricey...breast pumps. Should I buy, should I rent, do I need one if I'm planning on breast feeding but want to express milk from time to time? Cot bed mattresses.......why are there like 20 kinds that range in price from £40 to over £200?! Since Lansinoh nipple cream gets rave reviews on both sides of the pond and costs the same in ££ and $$, should I stock up on it while in the USA....should I throw in breast pads while I'm at it?!........

Am I boring you? I was boring and winding up myself. Finally I had to shut the Internet down and step away from all online baby retail options. Since I spread my attentions in so many different directions, I was confused and not able to make any more CHECKs off my list.

I'm like a wind up toy - wind me up and watch me go, then I collapse and then later I'm still and sane again. In the wake of my retail research I had a comforting chat with pregnant B (who is less than a week away now!) and Chris who both let me vent and helped bring me back to reality. Now I feel fine. Yet another ebb and flow of this pregnancy roller coaster. I think my error is that I tend to take on too many things all at once, short circuiting in the process. I think I need to do my research one step at a time, and maybe strike a few "to dos" off my list for the time being. Ayeyeye......

Mainstream Media Bias Enters Birthing Debate

My great college journalism professor, Michael Walsh, made it his mission to enlighten his students about the big black cloud of mainstream media bias at large within American journalism. I'm not talking editorial writing or even news reported from a publication with overt political sympathies (i.e. most of the UK broadsheet press), but the tendency for news reporters from "apolitical" sources to shun balanced factual reporting in exchange for stories that perpetuate or support a "hidden agenda."

The problem with this type of reporting is its widespread distribution of essentially skewed information to the public at large.

Earlier this week, the popular Today Show ran a short feature entitled The Perils of Home Birth that wreaked of journalistic bias. The feature, broadcast to millions, suggests that home births are becoming a popular, but risky fad amongst young urban professionals. The report doesn't include any interviews with certified midwives but instead gives air time to New York Magazine journalist Andrew Goldman who likens home childbirth to a “spa treatment.” It also exploits the single, sad story of a young couple who lost their daughter during a home birth - an incident that could well have occurred in a hospital. The report seemingly plays into the agenda of ACOG (American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists)and its growing vendetta against midwives and out of hospital births. Riki's Lake's The Business of Being Born film is referenced in the feature, and she responds to the report on her site. The American College of Nurse Midwives, similarly disappointed, responds here.

I keep mentioning my interest in learning more about home birth, but stern voice over stories like this that cater to fear factor and emotion rather than fact are not inspiring or helpful. Shame on the Today Show. Rather than dig deeper into the pluses and minuses of home birth or explore the reasons for ACOG's firm stance against it, they threw honest journalism to the dogs.

It's times like this when I'm grateful for the UK's professional acceptance of home birth and efforts of NHS professionals, like my local midwife, to allow women to explore the facts and make informed choices.

Birthing Warrior

I’m nearly halfway into my pregnancy and am starting to think about the miracle of birth and mission that is labor. Actually, I’ll be honest – I’ve thought about labor and birth on numerous occasions since conceiving. As I’ve said and you may realize, I’m a thinker for better and for worse. I haven’t been to any of my pre-natal classes on this topic yet, but I’ve done some reading, asked around and formed some opinions. Who knows if these will change as hormones continue to wrack my body and my due date approaches; who knows if I’ll stick to my guns in the throws of squeezing a baby out of my lower regions…. But for this moment, this is where I am.

I always pictured birth as you see it in the movies: lying spread eagle on a hospital bed, pushing with all my might. I also promised myself that I wouldn’t shout nasty things at Chris like, “How could you do this to me?!!” Plus, I’d be comfortably numb by a wonderful, soothing epidural. With medical pain relief practices like epidurals now common place, why would I take on body splitting pain? Those natural birthing ladies had to be mental…

So I thought, until I started exploring and my initial perceptions on labor and birth came tumbling down, down down…

I was surprised to learn that many women don’t give birth in a hospital bed, but instead from an array of upright positions ranging from kneeling to squatting to down on all fours. Maybe I was naive here, but I really didn’t have a clue. Aided by birthing balls, floor mats, steady relaxation breathing, pelvic rocking and most importantly gravity, women who birth upright often deliver with shorter labors and less medical intervention like forceps, ventouse and episiotomy. Epidurals, on the other hand, leave you immobile from the waist down in a hospital bed, catheterized and with greater chance of distressing your baby and needing delivery interventions since the drugs slow your labor and reduce your urge to push!

In the United States, epidurals are a very common form of pain relief – probably why I’d always associated them as given for birth. In the UK, they are also widely available but perhaps not pushed as much as less invasive pain relief options like gas and air are popular (which doesn’t appeal to me either since I don’t want to feel giddy or drunk when laboring). But I’m not picky or nuts...I’ve just decided that I’m going to be a Birthing Warrior. I want to be upright, I want to use my “in for four, out for four” breathing and I want to get in a zone and deliver naturally. I’m also curious to learn more about those TENS machines. I can’t imagine how exactly birth is going to feel but I am preparing myself for pain – “good” pain, that I am going to power on through like a Spartan and triumph over in order to bring my baby into this world. Cue glory music.

Shock of shocks, there are an overwhelming wealth of resources out there on natural birth that I just don’t have time to sift through. For a good overview, check out My Best Birth, a website associated with Ricki Lake and Abby Epstein’s documentary film ‘The Business of Being Born.’ My friend SH suggested this film to me, and though I haven’t got my hands on it yet it promises insightful observation into the “medicalization of pregnancy” in the United States and the more natural birthing options and venues that women can consider. More on that when I’ve watched the dvd. I also happened across this Giving Birth Naturally Site, which has a lot of information on the subject. Encouragingly, when I asked midwife at my hospital about natural birthing, she was very supportive.

While I’m on a roll here, I’ll also throw in my new found interest in exploring a home birth. I like the idea of avoiding the germ infested hospital and giving birth in my own domestic bubble of bliss. The neighbors might think a wild fox got trapped inside our house, but I’ll get to recover from labor in my own bed, with my own nice food, safe and sound with my family. Ideal. Unless, family and friends remind me, I face any complications in which case “Isn’t it better to be in the hospital?” Hmmm.

Interestingly, the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists does not support home births while the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists/Royal College of Midwives does for women with uncomplicated pregnancies. Then again, pregnant B shared this NHS article with me, which discusses how home birth risks are still unclear. So as usual, there is not clear or right answer. Weighing up all the factors, I’ll probably end up choosing the hospital but I am still going to talk to my midwife about home birth...

I know that each labor and birth is different and birth plan and all, I can’t over-plan and will just do what is best for baby and me in the thick of it. I'm not knocking any form of pain relief because if you have a choice you need to do what's right for you, but my mental plan of action is to go as natural as I can – and the mental part of it has to be half, if not a little less than half, the battle.

And the Doctor Says...

NO!

In my previous post, Bump on Board: Running in Pregnancy, I mentioned that I was going to contact my doctor/midwife to discuss my second trimester running in relation to the strength of my cervix. Don't worry, I won't get more graphic than that.

I read about this on US sites and it seems like a fairly common, encouraged, question that pregnant runners ask so I thought I'd give it a whirl here in the UK.

Swallowing my pride, I called my local surgery (for those in the US that's the doctor's office) and left a message for the doctor asking if I should come in for a quick cervical check up and hopefully get his blessing to continue running. It was fun explaining all this to the receptionist...

I can't say I was shocked when the receptionist called me later that day and said, simply: "We've passed on your message to the doctor regarding your running and he said you'd better not."

I'd better not. That was it. No check up. No reason in relation to me. Stock advice. From my initial encounter with the midwife I expected this might be the response I got, but I still felt disappointed. I really like my doctor; he has always been lovely and patient with me through any odd little ailment I've had. But I've done my research on running and believe I should be able to continue at this stage. It's slightly aggravating that since the general UK advice on the matter seems to be "don't do it," the one precautionary check I'd like done doesn't appear to be an option due to differences in US/UK pre-natal culture. I'm not knocking the UK system - I think it has a lot of benefits the more I learn - but in this instance, I'm not a fan.

So truthfully, what am I doing? I've made the executive decision to continue my weekend 5k run at an easy pace. If I feel anything is out of sorts, I'll stop. I'm not looking to be stubborn or doing anything that will be unhealthy for our baby, or me. But I don't think I am based on my research and the fact I'm treading carefully and have not experienced warning signs. Maybe at my 20 week sonogram they'll be able to comment on my little ol' cervix. I'm not sure though. I'll keep you posted :)

Bump on Board: Running in Pregnancy

I’ve always been a runner. In school I took pride in being able to outrun some of the boys in my class. I played midfield in soccer which required a lot of stamina, and I kept up running for fitness through college and as I moved into “the real world.” Last year I even knuckled down and ran the London Marathon! So now I’m running while pregnant, which you’ve probably picked up on.

When I mention that I’m still running, I often get one of two reactions: Cue furrowed brow and concerned tone: “Is that really a good idea for you and the baby?” OR a perplexed grimace that suggests I might as well be bungee jumping or throwing myself into a rugby scrum. So I find myself justifying my actions, and explaining that there is no reason for concern. “I’m only running a couple of 5Ks a week, nothing too taxing for baby or me!”

This approach was not condoned at my first “booking in” midwife appointment around 11 weeks, where I was told plain and simple, “don’t run, we don’t advise it.”

I felt a little cheated by this response. Yes, it wasn’t what I wanted to hear, but mainly, it conflicted with advice I’d read elsewhere. I’m sure the midwife had a duty of care to echo the advice in the NHS Handbook that gave she me, but this “blanket advice” didn’t account for my history running, fitness level, medical history, etc. It seemed more of the “cover our backs with catch all safe advice” family. So I dug a little deeper…

Now I’m no medical expert, and the following is my understanding and NOT official medical advice (disclaimer, disclaimer, etc). but herein lies the skinny on running while pregnant:

If you haven’t run before you were pregnant, don’t start once you are. It is generally safe for seasoned runners to continue at a lesser distance and intensity; you will need to slow down as your pregnancy progresses and your bump grows. It’s important to stay hydrated and not to overheat, especially in the first trimester while your young baby is developing its vital organs. You may be more prone to injury as your body has higher levels of relaxin, a joint-relaxing hormone, so tread carefully over uneven ground and to wear supportive footwear. A sturdy sports bra is also a must, and a maternity support belt could help support your bump. Try to engage your pelvic floor as you jog since extra strain is put on these muscles. Listening to your body is most key: if you feel nauseous, dizzy, out of breath or experience chest pains, blurred vision, a headache or vaginal bleeding, STOP! If anything feels uncomfortable or not right, STOP! Don’t push yourself and don’t go for the “burn.” Think in terms of your fitness, not keeping up your previous level of training.

Across the board, advice suggests that women with pregnancy-induced high blood pressure, gestational diabetes, placenta previa (low lying placenta), a weak cervix and others, particularly a history of pre-term labor or miscarriage should avoid running; if you are at all concerned, have a discussion with your doctor or midwife.

This article from Runners World suggests that women entering their second trimester should have an internal with their OBGYN to check the strength of their cervix. I’ve read more about this from US sites, and think my midwife might look at me like I have two heads if I ask her for an internal considering the advice I received previously, but maybe I should ask. I haven’t had any signs out of the ordinary, but this looks like an extra and sensible precaution runners can take. In fact, many US sites suggest getting the “all clear” from your doctor regarding your plan to run pregnant.

As with many things in pregnancy, a cautious and sensible approach to running looks like the answer. Many runners pay testament to their trade as a means of staying fit and healthy throughout their pregnancy and preparing them for labour. Here’s an excerpt from a Babyfit article on the topic:

“When I became pregnant with my first child, I decided that as long as my doctor said it was okay (and I felt good), I would continue running for as long as my body would allow… I'd been a runner for years and loved both the physical and mental benefits. So I was relieved that when I went in for my first OB appointment, the doctor said I could continue running as long as I felt good and didn't push myself too much. Running helped alleviate the constant morning (and afternoon and evening) nausea I couldn't seem to shake, kept my weight gain at a healthy rate, and prepared my body for the toughest race I'd ever have to run-labor and delivery. As my belly expanded, I went from a comfortable jog, to a slower jog, and finally to a waddle the week before my daughter was born. I was quite a sight to the neighbors I passed on my running route! But I wouldn't trade that for anything. For anyone whose health care provider has given their okay to continue running, I highly recommend it.”

Some other useful articles about running pregnant are at Babycentre and Pregnancy Today.

So come on fellow running ladies, let’s lace up our sneakers, give our bodies and minds a work out, our bumps a ride and those passers by something to gape at!

'Baby Gaga' for me

I had to laugh this morning while I slogged it out on the stationary gym bike watching Lady Gaga's 'Paparazzi' music video and Ciara "driving her body" around Justin Timberlake in 'Love Sex Magic.' I was out of bed before work, faithfully trying to do my expanding body good and ironically seeking motivation through the music and gyrations of these two lithe and ostentatious superstars.

I don't have illusions, delusions, aspirations, whatever about trying to look like the toned and primped celebs of today, but I've always secretly wanted to star in a music video. How cool would that be? It wouldn't be saucy and I'd be fully clothed, but it would tell a good story and feature me dolled up for the camera. Maybe I'd even dance in it....

How could my bump and I ever compare to the glamorous musicians before me? You know what - I can honestly say I didn't give a damn! There's so much pressure put on women to "look the part." While I'm never too concerned with this and think I have my own style, pedaling away I felt fit and blossoming.

They say some women feel unattractive as their pregnancy progresses and others feel extra sexy; I wouldn't say that I fall cleanly into either category and I still have a long journey ahead, but I'd have to say I'm leaning toward the latter. Pregnant ladies may be growing out, but we're growing babies and that is a beautiful thing. I plan to stay healthy and active for general fitness, but I hope my transformation makes me all the more attractive. I mean who really wants to parade in a leopard catsuit or look like a half naked droid on crutches anyway? Maybe I can star in some classy video featuring a pregnant girl :)

I'm 17 weeks today and I my little bump is on the rise. It's satisfying. Apparently the baby is now the size of a turnip - 5 ounces. I had my second midwife appointment this afternoon and she said baby's growth looks on track. I heard his/her heartbeat (150 beats/minute) and was sent on my merry way.

I'm a little conflicted about the community midwifery approach here in the UK. On one hand, people have been giving birth since the start of time before organised care and continue to do so in many places around the globe. On the other, I do like idea of the American personalized experience of choosing an obstetrician that cares for you over the course of your pregnancy. There is no choice on the NHS, but there is also no cost. I guess as long as I do my research and know what I want, it's my responsibility to communicate my questions/wants/needs to the midwives I see so that my maternity notes tell my story. And then hope when I do give birth that the midwife on duty actually pays attention to them! Though that's also why it's important to have a supportive, firm and knowledgeable birth partner - I'll have that in Chris (no pressure).

My 17 week picture will soon follow!

When "Cheers" becomes Fears - Alcohol in Pregnancy

I know that in general, drinking alcohol is a ‘no no’ in pregnancy. It doesn’t take an obstetrician or experienced mama to know that heavy drinking is strongly linked to babies with Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders (FASD) or full blown Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. I'd be reckless to put my unborn child at such risk.

Yet here in the UK I have heard and read that light drinking during pregnancy is not clinically proven to precipitate ill effects in babies. The definition of "light drinking" is hazy, but the general understanding is that if you employ common sense and have, say, one drink/week, there is no evidence to show you will be doing your child a disservice. Is there still a slight risk involved? Yes. But there is a risk in doing pretty much everything when you are pregnant: eating a hot dog at a baseball game, stretching before and after exercise, crossing the street on unsteady feet with a big belly……

I thought this seemed like sensible advice, so throughout my first trimester I had a sip, or small glass of wine, now and again. Particularly before we broke our news, this was an easy way to keep suspicion at bay. It’s not like I’m a heavy drinker, but when girls my age who usually enjoy a glass of wine at the pub after work turn to OJ and start making excuses about being on antibiotics, covers are quickly blown.

When I was recently in NY on vacation I received my own sacred copy of Heidi Murkoff’s ‘What to Expect When You're Expecting.’ Woooeee! Heidi is the goddess of pregnancy advice and I am finding her book very helpful, however, her commentary on alcohol in pregnancy freaked me out! I can’t remember the advice verbatim, but it was something to the affect of “You should not drink at all during pregnancy. The alcohol in your system will cross the placenta and will have harsher effects on your baby than you – so you may not even feel buzzed, but your baby could be drunk!” Oh crap.

I thought I’d been so careful. I felt guilty and concerned. Then the fear set in and I started counting up the number of drinks I’d had over the previous weeks and asking my friends and family if they thought baby would be alright. Everyone agreed they thought I was fine. Some commented they’d heard it’s safer to drink lightly after the first trimester, but first trimester was where I was. Ironically, those on both sides of the pond, including Heidi, tell you not to worry about the alcohol you drank before you were pregnant. Well some girls would probably have drunk more without knowing than I did while in the know! But fear wreaks havoc with logic.

I’m pleased to say that after my initial guilt/fear, I didn’t freak and concluded rationally that what was done was done. But I did tell myself that I’d probably not drink at all going forward, and if I did, only in little sips. Heidi’s words had made their mark.

Since returning to England I’ve done some reading on the respective attitudes/advice toward alcohol consumption in pregnancy in both the UK and USA. Experts from both call for abstinence with regard to alcohol, however it seems this zero tolerance attitude is born more out of the uncertainty that surrounds light drinking in pregnancy rather than any actual grim fact. Bearing this in mind, the general advice and subsequent attitude toward alcohol in pregnancy seems more chilled out and less heavy handed in the UK. For example, check out the slightly contradictory commentary on 'Alcohol in Pregnancy' from Babycentre.co.uk versus Babycenter.com. These are excerpts but give the general gist/tone of the article:

Babycentre.co.uk

“There is no doubt that heavy drinking, particularly binge drinking (five or more units of alcohol on one occasion), during pregnancy is not safe. It can seriously affect your developing baby.

The risks of drinking at much lower levels, however, are not clear cut. Nevertheless, it is now recommended that pregnant women completely abstain from drinking alcohol. Some experts recommend abstaining completely during the first three months, while others advise staying tee-total for the whole pregnancy.

If you do decide to drink during pregnancy, it is recommended that you limit your intake to no more than one or two units of alcohol, no more than once or twice per week. The RCOG advise women that there is no evidence of harm from drinking at this low level. However, binge drinking or getting drunk is dangerous for your developing baby.”

Babycenter.com

“Alcohol and pregnancy don't mix. No one knows exactly what harmful effects even the smallest amount of alcohol has on a developing baby.

All public health officials in the United States recommend that pregnant women, as well as women who are trying to conceive, play it safe by steering clear of alcohol entirely.

Expectant moms who have as little as one drink a week are more likely than non-drinkers to have children who later exhibit aggressive and delinquent behavior. poor growth (in the womb, after birth, or both), abnormal facial features, and damage to the central nervous system."

Although we are looking at the same organisation, it’s apparent that professional and cultural biases are reflected in each country's specific website. I should also note that the US site does not cite the studies that back up its remark on expectant moms drinking 1 drink/week.

On the flipside, check out this article from Zoe Williams, Guardian columnist who writes an ante-natal series. It's a little dated from 2007 but gives an amusing tirade about all the things pregnant women are NOT supposed to. Here's an excerpt:

"Physiologically and sociologically, it just does not make sense that small amounts of alcohol are bad for you when pregnant. As Dr Eric Jauniaux, professor of obstetrics and foetal medicine at the Royal Free hospital in London, points out: "Alcohol is mainly metabolised by the liver, and only what's left will be met by the placenta. The amount that could reach the foetus in a glass of beer or a glass of wine is negligible. I would be much more concerned with breastfeeding and drinking." Jauniaux, incidentally, has been studying transfer through the placenta for the past 20 years, is one of the leading national experts on the matter and yet is never quoted in connection with any of the scare stories you read on alcohol and unborn babies. And sociologically, of course, Jauniaux reminds us: "How long have people been drinking wine or beer, thousands of years?"

The full article made me laugh: www.guardian.co.uk/society/2007/may/29/health.medicineandhealth

I don't know the right answer on this one. Are you surprised that I know of more girls who have drunk lightly in pregnancy in the UK than in the USA? Judging from the tone and content of advice given in each country, I’m not.

It seems reasonable to me that a small drink every now and then won't hurt based on the current research.....and that experts often use scare tactics to cover their backs should a preggars lady go haywire with drink. But as my brother in law, the trader, would say, it all comes down to "risk/reward." Is the reward of a drink worth the slim risk or will it cause more mental aggravation? For me it's probably not, but that's for each pregnant girl to decide.

Published on Blog Nosh Magazine