Change. I don't like it. Well, it depends on the type of change. Having LLC was a wonderful change. Every new skill she develops is an exciting change. Winning the lottery would be a welcome change (provided Chris and I don't argue about what to do with the proceeds).
Maybe it's not change that I can't handle, it's more 'that which disrupts the order of my day.' I've blogged about how I'm not partial to strict routines, but that I do like to have a rhythm of sorts. It helps me get in my daily groove. Things like knowing how long it would take me to walk from the train station to the office put me at ease. These days knowing when LLC has her milk, or takes her nap are planned stops on my daily journey.
I'm probably coming across all anal here but I don't think I'm totally alone, at least in the parenting world. I know few mothers that haven't spent some time counting the hours between one feed to the next, or trying to work out how weaning will affect their baby's milk feeds and nap-times. My experience has been that LLC's patterns will shift naturally as she grows, that her cues will become apparent as she develops and that I don't need to spend all this time thinking about how our 'routine' will potentially shift. Yet I still do. I have trouble switching off from this.
At the moment, LLC's morning nap, that I could always count on for things like taking a shower, blogging, emailing, tidying up the house, fitting in some work, is getting later and later. So my mind is going a hundred miles a minute....is it going to drop? Should I let her sleep in the late morning? Will this mean she won't nap in the afternoon but will then get tired right before dinner? Should I see if she will hold out past lunch and then have a long afternoon nap? Am I nuts? Yes, I think so.
I tell myself I need to take things day by day....that LLC is in a prime growth phase, and that with that our patterns will shift and may shift gradually. Now I just need to take my own advice. Ahhh, I need a lesson in chilling out and going with the flow. Anyone?